tacos for teacakes.

closing up shop.

2011-02-10T14:56:00.003-06:00

i don't know why, but tumblr is just a lot easier to post my nonsense to. i at least update that more frequently... so, basically i'm just moving everything over there and i've decided to not post this blog anymore just out of preference.

so all school rants, life rants, likes/dislikes, photos... it'll all be on tumblr. there's no theme, i don't think there ever really was on this anyway... but, um... yeah!

tumblr fun

click away.

also, some italy photos are going up there.

hooray/ciao.

x

well, that was quick.

2011-01-11T02:33:00.003-06:00

i'm already heading back to scotland tomorrow... technically today. urgh.

i didn't even accomplish half the things i wanted to on this trip. again, are we surprised? no. but i swear, it's the trickster, time.

he's going to be a mean bastard this year, i can already feel it.

yeah.

anyway, texas is excellent. i've gained a few pounds, a few dresses, a few photos, and some swell stories.

i did no reading, no writing- except for that mandatory essay.

i've missed the first day back to class and next week i become something like a teacher...

again, i am completely unprepared.

liz arrives in like ten days and we go to italy, completely unprepared.

i have another essay due in two weeks... unprepared.

i might not see my family for a year... unprepared.

i think i'm getting workshopped in like two weeks? mega unprepared.

at least my flat should be reasonably clean... too bad i'm sure my agency still hasn't fixed my washing machine. cocks.

anyway, that's that. i'm so tired and full (i just munched on tiramisu cheesecake)

tomorrow i shall awake feeling ill from all the stress and worry... there will be sadness and breakfast tacos.

possibly some hot chocolate with little snowman shaped marshmallows.

love. x

2010-12-24T23:28:00.003-06:00

http://cherryogarcia.tumblr.com/

i think i like tumblr better, it's quick and better for all the nonstop nondramatic life updates that i want to make while i'm at home...

time is still escaping me quick even though i spend most of my days sitting and eating.

a half hour until christmas. three nights of heathie and 'va-kah'. rosa's soft tacos. dublin dr pepper. 24 hours of a christmas story...

it's all good, if you forget i have assloads of schoolwork to do. and yet again it's all changed, not my decision, of course.

i just want to write and take pictures and bake.

christmas, yeehaw! have a good one, kiddos.

old new discoveries.

2010-12-18T13:53:00.002-06:00

well, here's the first entry coming from the lone star state for this christmas season.

i flew in on wednesday night, 77 degrees outside. utter madness.

let's get the flight details sorted- my plane from glasgow to london left an hour late because of all the 'london fog' and the plane needed to be refueled. swell. also, my layover in london was only two hours long- so i'm sure you can see the problems there. especially at mega heathrow. lines, oh what fun. at least in one of the lines someone asked me if i was of italian origin.

i was literally running to my flight. me. literally running. with a giant backpack and the biggest sized carry on suitcase you can manage, that happens to be colored red with while polka dots. definitely a sexy site to have seen...

the flight form london actually went okay. i sat next to some economics major student american guy who's studying in london. he was really excited i was a student and put my suitcase in the overhead locker and got it down for me. he also informed me texas is a 'booming' place for a new business- hello resale/coffee shop! he reminded me a lot of joe ward actually... i miss that kid, let's hope i can see him on my vacation home. it'll be the first time in years.

so then the drive home and catching up with some family gossip. we later headed out to posados for some mexican food and iced tea. yuss. i mostly gorged on chips and salsa. it's my favorite after all. then i headed to kohl's for some late night shopping with my folks. it's amazing that things are open so late here... so much better than things closing at six. anyway, i was in zombie status there- came home, showered and then konked out to bed quickly.

i feel like i'm still jet lagged a bit, though getting over it. general tiredness- waking up early and going to bed somewhat late.

the next day i went to the dmv to get a new license since mine was stolen in spain, among other things. starbucks' caramel brulee lattes taste like toffee nut lattes. and then southlake because i found out anthropologie was having an extra 25% off sale items... can you believe i found absolutely nothing there. and i mean... i really tired. i think me and my ma were in there for like 45 minutes to an hour... that' some effort.

there's a panera right by my house now so lunch there. my soup was cold... but i think i might go there and do some studying at some point. free wifi and i think coffee refills? but i could be lying about that.

yesterday was lazy and then i went to a kind of party at ashley's which ended pretty quickly due to drunkeness on her part. i'm ready to be texas drunk though. shiner and margaritas!

what else? i'm been transcribing like a mad man... well, i've been transcribing. my mid review project is going to fail me. i'm sure of it. i won't go into all the details about it cos its basically boring... but all you need to know is 'critical engagement'

how fucking vague is that? the most vague.

i think today is decorating the tree, yay! oh and i watched frosty last night... and drove. i missed my baby stella. i think my throat is sore from singing in the car...

OH! i forgot to mention the night before last we went through a bunch of old boxes in the attic- so i got to see some of my old stuffed animals and like a bunch of old clothes, including mini shorts from abercrombie and a blink 182 shirt... lolololol. oh and my favorite joke book and my muppet babies train set!

anyway, i got to keep some old stuff... it's great. new old discoveries.

um... i think that's it. i need to now go through my closets (yes plural) and then unpack. man.

i also need to read books. if anyone out there has some good quotes or something about the processes of writing then let me know. i need secondary sources for this bitch project.

okay. that's that. more food tales soon.

xx

like whoa.

2010-12-06T16:30:00.004-06:00

So, that back and forth thing... the one thing i actually had planned out was to stay on the tier one post study visa, which now the grand ole uk is getting rid of and tightening entry like whoa:

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/newsarticles/2010/nov/78-first-annual-limit

what a disaster. so, now my options are to either get married or stick around and fork out another 60,000 for two more years of glasgow life by doing the phd. moi a doctor? how amazing would that be? do i possess the skills for such a task? of course not... but the department head hasn't shut me out for it yet, which is amazing in itself AND actually said i've been doing 'a serious and dedicated job this semester'

gold star stepho!

now... if i do well on the mid review essay/project thing then i should be that much closer for the phd okay. however, i have no fucking clue at all how that money aspect of that will be covered. maybe if i start whoring now i can cover the 1st semester of the next two years...

anyway, this project i'm doing- luckily michael knows i'm shit at critical work so i get to do something less formal, and that is interview three people (two students in my course and one advisor) about their writing processes and then zero in on a few poems. i have one interview done- have made appointments for the others but they keep getting put off due to them having busy lives and this current glasgow mega snow. i can't believe the buses were cancelled today. annoying.

so... i head back to texas in a little over a week- which leaves me basically no time to get this project done. i'm freaking out a little. i really don't want to work this week, despite the money aspect. i'm tempted to miss this saturday though, which should be my last shift. i hate saturdays there and a christmas story is showing at the gft that morning. i've never seen it in the cinema, can you imagine?

nothing else has happened... but i think that's probably a lie.

my knees/legs are completely bruised up- a week and half ago i slipped on water at work and hurt my right knee and left leg kind of bad, then three days ago i fell on my ass due to ice, and then yesterday i fell again because of slippery snow and nice, this time landing on my left knee, which actually still hurts. i'm turing into quite the fool.

other than that... lots of eating, which is not good for pre texas.

self frosting nutella cupcakes were devoured so quick that i don't even have photos of them.

the graduation week for other's went well. lady maura was in town, so drinking happened and then slight hangovers happened. it was good to catch up and i like her boozy dad, very nice man. i also went to a departmental party for the creative writing program being 15 years old and ran into the guy i did work experience for, which was lovely, though i probably embarrassed myself due to red wine. anyway, he said he'd like to have me back in sometime which will probably happen since i don't think i'll be working next semester.

why you might ask? is it because i'm going home for a month? nope... it's because next semester i have to teach a bunch of undergrads creative writing... yeah, that really came out of nowhere. 15-20 students for two hours a week for eight weeks... it's like proper, but i'm not getting paid and they aren't getting credit. i'm the most unprepared ever. teaching suggestions are welcome. very welcome.

ugh yeah. i haven't told my boss about that yet... and between missing last saturday (hehe i called in sick, i'm tired of bussing when girls who have been there for two weeks with no coffee experience and are slow as fuck are doing till and coffee work) and probably asking if i can at least come in late saturday... you know i wouldn't do this if it was a real job... but it's not.

also, greece is incredibly soon and probably incredibly expensive. poor poor stepho.

but, bring on the feta and hummus.

well, after the tex mex and margaritas.

expect snowy photos and more frequent updates soon.

x

cycles.

2010-11-08T18:45:00.003-06:00

in my mind i'm always a lot more steady with my blog than i want to be. not that i care about this, but i guess in some form or fashion it's like a writing exercise... so maybe i do care a little bit about it? anyway, the point is:

in my mind things are always better or worse, they are never just what they are.

and that's a shame.

lately i'm going back and forth a lot on far too many things. which i don't mean to sound dramatic, it's just a lot of things. ranging from what am i going to do when i graduate to what will i bake next? see, it's not all dramatic, but it's all in my mind swimming around and going back and forth. it changes from day to day and that doesn't ever help. is this making sense? i'm stressing out a lot over things i shouldn't? and then just do nothing at all and then stress out about doing nothing etc.

for instance, i hate my job. i'm getting minimum wage (just under six pounds), i'm 24 and i spend usually 7 to 8 hours a shift on my feet ruining my nails and soft hands for dishes. it's not really worth it. but then part of me thinks it will potentially get better, even though the pay won't... and i like having the extra money, but then if im getting one shift a week then im getting less than 40 pounds a week... and what can i really do with that money? the new tesco is open and the first day i bought groceries, 40 wouldn't even cover all of it. it's expensive to live in glasgow... imagine when i have to start paying council tax.

which makes me worry all the more because how am i supposed to live here once i graduate? im regretting studying creative writing more than anything these days. im constantly drifting into sunshining fantasies about owning my own little boutique/caketeria... it's so bad it just keeps me up at night, just thinking about how i would do things and if it would make sense to do something like that in the real world... and then get depressed because how will i be able to live on used clothes and cake? it must be possible, but i know it's hard. so... back to the drawing board of things i want to do or will even be able to do? i still like the idea of being a wedding photographer, but i feel like im quite late in the game for that. i, pretty sure im going to be a shit teacher, as i'm shy and under read. i don't really know what i can do... or what i really want to do. also, let's take into account this fantastic economy. woo!

anyway. basically sometimes i love glasgow a lot and sometimes i don't. i know i definitely want to to take advantage of the postgraduate visa work program, because i'd be a fool not to... but how's a girl supposed to survive? i don't know what kind of 'adult' jobs really exist here... it seems like most people either work in a call centre or are on the dole. i can't tolerate either one of those.

yeah, i'm jumping the gun and am sleepy; late night paranoia. but still. god, and i don't even want a roommate to save money... unless casey comes back. (casey, please come back.)

buh. so, that. also, i'm really excited to be going home for christmas in, wow... almost a month. hello tex mex. i hope it's as good as i'm expecting it to be. and im expecting it to be:

mexican food.
all the other kinds of delicious food.
all the delicious drinks including: proper dr pepper, root beer, giant margaritas, iced tea, jamba juice, and shiner.
stella.
having a dog again.
better tv options.
coffee on the patio.
christmas festivities.
baking in a real kitchen.
going through my book collection and reading *gasp* for fun.
writing.
shopping.

oh yeah. i don't want a lot of drama please. not like last christmas.

i'm really really hoping i can get a lot of writing done at home. i would say just about more than half of my portfolio was written while i was at home for the summer- so most of it was only about 3 months old and it's probably *my* best work so far, though i did edit the fuck out of it. i'm out of material, i'm hoping i can gather my thoughts a bit and come out with some new stuff.

i need comfortable places and new adventures. ha, i just found out my mom booked my return ticket so i leave texas in january and come back in early may... only four months separation? man. which i guess is fine considering come july/august/september is when adult job seeking happens, meaning no long vacations home. hm. also, lengthy visa applications. hell.

i might die if i don't get to go home for christmas...

also, i've already started on the shopping before arrival. i should have a leather jacket waiting for me upon arrival... i don't know how that will go... hopefully good. ALSO... because i find this hilarious. there is a lovely old timey green coat at urban outffiters that i've had my eye on for a month or so now. yesterday i went to try it on and decided that i think i like it... however it's 165 pounds (or really close to that)- so today i checked the u.s. website to see how much it was and it's on sale for 100 bucks.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=19154202&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump - trust me that photo does it no justice at all.

it got well bought; it will be well worn.

x

yesterday i baked.

2010-10-27T06:41:00.003-05:00

yesterday i baked the following:

pumpkin cheesecake.
homemade caramel.
sweet potato fries.
and
turkey artichoke paninis.

instead, i should i have:

read books about teaching.
read books about poetry.
finished my ten week syllabus.
researched a 'teaching element' and prepared a 15 minute presentation on it.
(yeah, i have no clue what that means either.)
washed my sheets.
tidied up my living room clutter.
hung up clothes lying in a small pile in my room.

i did manage to also finish up an essay, but really that's it. i even put off showering for an extra six hours.

it's getting bad. as in, my laziness. i don't know what's wrong with me. i think i've aged about 35 years in the past few weeks, though i've collected none of the wisdom. just, the cracking bones.

sigh.

buzz.

2010-10-11T17:37:00.003-05:00

well, i got the job.

so, i've been working my little coffee shop job, which basically consists of me washing dishes and cleaning up customer's messes. it's very reminisent of my job at marble slab, you know when i was sixteen. doesn't help that im doing the floor and dishes with an actual sixteen year old... seriously i've never felt this old in my life. huff. anyway, im hoping the job will get better once they decide to teach me to froth milk. working on the 'till' has been the best thing so far... plus free sandwiches and a coffee for lunch. but yeah... exhausting, especially since im not used to being on my feet for nearly a solid eight or seven hours. so, that's that. im looking forward to getting paid and being able to save some money for vacations and clothes and other assorted nonsense, though i still probably won't be able to justify a 400 dollar coat from anthropologie that im aching for.

so, i've been a boring old person lately. just sitting in the flat, playing rummy, watching shite tv (oh man, x factor is addicting and infuriating!) drinking tea and cooking things a bit half assed. though this week is starting out productive, well reasonably.

i had my first sort of teaching class today, which was just a discussion on our own sorts of process for writing and learning, but i already have to outline a mach syllables for two types of classes, which i literally have no idea how to do. i ended up skipping my second class today though so i could be more productive in general than sit through a third lecture/discussion about blank verse, which would actually be pointless for me. so i wrote two letters, had two coffees, ate a yummy 'skinny' blueberry muffin (i've been craving muffins lately) and then walked home where i had a small bowl of soup and a sun nap which lasted an extra hour.

also, im about 30 pages shy from finishing dryden's all for love and i started that this evening and will finish it after me. which is pretty good for moi. also, im a bit pissed because i checked out books for the upcoming weeks assignements and someone, i assume in my class as requested so far four of those books so i have to return them at the end of the week. urgh, sharing. anyway, turns out i kind of like what im reading at the moment, so that helps. do i want to write a heroic couplet this week? fuck no. but i need to at some point, along with somehow needing to write my own new work... seriously completely running out... and i don't care if you don't believe in writer's block, but its just not working for me now... and i don't really have the time to wait and be inspired.

im sure if i managed to go to rome or something this weekend, that would change. i actually really want to go to rome. pizza and coffee and windy walks. yes.

im really thirsty lately.

right, so today i also unloaded the dishwasher and paid my gas bill. all that's left to do really is read the poems for workshop tomorrow and finish up dryden. if i could magically get that all done plus a new poem by one or 1:30, well damn.

(it won't happen)

but i need to be in bed early, as tomorrow is another busy day of:

3 hour workshop
resigning my lease
shopping (boots and checking out what's on sale at h and m)
getting a bus pass
coffee shop reading, possibly sandwich eating.
getting groceries
and possibly making some tacos. yum!

also, fingers crossed my boss lets one of the teenagers pick my shift up on friday. seriously please.

okay, back to work then possibly teddy grahams and milk... or just flat out sleepin'.

this week's events.

2010-09-26T20:03:00.003-05:00

i have a feeling this week will be busy...

tomorrow is class, which isn't the first proper class, but will be the first class in which we will be discussing actual books on the reading list- which i've read some, so that's good, but on the actual side of things bad since i know fuck all about meter and blank verse and poetic forms. good thing we're talking about it ALL semester... at least its almost october... which technically means im coming home in like two and a half months, which is crazy.

first workshop this week and luckily im not up, but will need to prepare poems, which will be a lot harder than it sounds, because i have to submit my workshop stuff by thursday- possibly friday at the latest. did i mention i have no real material to use anymore since my portfolio? i think its worth mentioning again.

also, i have a job interview at a coffee shop on tuesday... and i think i really want it. lame as it may be, ive wanted a barista type job for a while now, and i really could use the spare money. so, its at a nice coffee shop and the only person i ever liked who worked at the loft is now a manager there- which is probably why i got the interview- i think he liked me well enough, let's hope he gives me the job... please? travel and christmas cash? please please?

basically wish me luck on that and poems. that's the only reason im posting this, for the luck.

also, a manics gig on wednesday, which i dont know if i will glitter and tart up for... am i too old for that? i think i might be.

possible movie... already planned tv show watchings. possible work experience junk... but im thinking i might need to pass this week... um... more reading and writing and reading and writing. i really need to write letters and tidy my flat a bit...

should probably start yoga or something... as my bones tend to crack easily these days...

or just bake more.

did you miss me?

2010-09-20T11:46:00.003-05:00

well, no... probably not, but it's been over a month and lots of things have happened.

am i going to tell you about all of them? no, i can't even remember all of it, but basically a month ago i was in some bad shape on a huge string of bad luck that mostly started with getting my wallet stolen an hour after arriving in spain, which i've yet to upload photos for still (in due time, kids, in due time). anyway, disaster trip and week ranging from big things like that to arriving home and having my cupcake door mat stolen etc etc etc.

the last month has just been a big ball of stress waiting to hear back from my department about whether or not i can continue on for the second year. it seems likely that i would get to for the amount of tuition cash the school gets off me, but as you may know i've had a few encounters with some members of staff that really had me doubting myself as a writer and being in the program. i generally just feel really stupid and naive when dealing with the course which isn't a feeling im fond of, though it makes me think that maybe deep deep down i do care a little bit about writing or am interested in it more than i think i am or claim to be...

still, writing gets on my nerves... totally should've done a film degree. on the plus side, i'm thinking about emailing some of the film professors and seeing if i could sit in on some classes? i'm a little scared to though.

anyway, i was informed a whole week and a half before today (the first day of school) that i'd be able to continue on with the course, which was a huge relief... for about ten minutes... and then panic mode for the new school year started... and continues...

today was the first day of school. an induction with a mix of first year phd students and 2nd year mfa students (me)- which was really positive for some odd reason, awful basic 'literary' jokes were made. also, a first proper class- which was basically discussing form of a few poems on a handout- there was no and will be no actual discussion on the 35 or so books we were apparently supposed to read for this week- i wasted several hours reading about 12 of those 35 books. not to mention note taking and typing. huff.

class was actually quite interesting despite the fact that i'm form and meter retarded- which is probably why i was chosen to read aloud the first poem we were to disect. it was quite embarrassing to say the least. im a terrible reader, as i get too nervous and just read things as quickly as possibly, which rarely seems to work for poetry. but the people seem like a reasonably nice bunch, if not a bit intense... and there's a whole seven people in the class, which is double the size thought.

so, anyway, i am, sadly enough, slightly optimistic about this year and i really want to try and get as much as possible out of this year, as it will be my last as a student. i feel a little more relaxed about things now, since the first class went well, but also since it's the first week, it's probably just the easiest week. im looking forward to learning teaching skills though, which is a nice surprise, though not all the essays we have to write. over the years my essay writing has been on a rapid decline. luckily, the only essay that actually matters is due in january as my mid year review- let's hope i don't get kicked out. and even then the essay isn't graded. woo.

also, on a surprise note the department head apparently marked my portfolio (17 out of 22, high b, one point away from a distinction, rah.) and he told me three times that he really enjoyed reading it. which means quite a lot to me honestly, since he's the one i need to win over/make love me. it was also good to hear that long lines work for me and he said something about it feeling layered and real which is all really nice to hear, much better than hearing it's whiny and sentimental, which is what i'm always worried about.

okay, i think that's all the school things.

and since this is already massive, i'll just add in that i officially have no friends in scotland anymore, really... maybe like two. maura has left today and a few others left a couple of weeks ago.

i have a new shower box and a slow cooker.
i made cinnamon rolls for the first time, success!

that might be it?

i'm going to write some notes out, possibly do some reading, put some wash on and just veg until the night ends with some ben and jerry's.

i think i deserve at least that.

partly sunny.

2010-08-30T13:43:00.004-05:00

okay, so maybe im just a little dramatic... but no seriously... things were and kind of still are going shit. though not quite as much... still waiting to get my portfolio grade, so that will be the kind of ultimate test.

i have to make this short as im going to get a bus soon, but yeah... feeling better. not really because things are turning up, like not at all... i guess just getting over it? the weather has been nice and its making me appreciate living in glasgow.

sun, picnics, wind, sundresses. coffees.

sometimes life is really nice.

and i'll try and be positive, but not too positive, obviously. the job market sucks and i have a feeling im not going to find a flat better than mine within the next month, shame... i want to move.

i had a flat viewing today and the flat was in a swell location, but man... awful and like really bright orange. No.

i don't know what else, really. my stomach is making lots of stange noises. ive been curling my hair lately, enjoying that maybe more than i really should. getting excited about winter clothes shopping at some point.

going to bake cupcakes tomorrow... yay!

and... that's about it for now. i've yet to post spain photos, but here are some nice day photos. again... more on flickr.

and because i want to show off my bicycle dress since i paid quite a bit for it:

that's all. more later... need to get back to reading... urgh. poetry burnout.

x

p.s. there's a new letter poem up. keep checking that for newbies. woop.

halt.

2010-08-21T18:25:00.004-05:00

there's a lot to tell... and i think i'll get to it eventually. just give me some time. my mind is mush, my eyes are itchy, swollen. tired. most of it is just stress, unnecessary. maybe. but its there, sized big and small.

that included spain. and that includes this weekend and probably next week.

so, basically everything is a bit muh. like literally feeling muh. being quiet and wide eyed. not eating as much as usual. having strange dreams. pre quarter life crisis? thinking about home, no more school and real jobs, not talking to exes, breaking mirrors and my calorie intake.

all that cal.

maximum sigh.

2010-08-12T23:43:00.001-05:00

portfolio finished. yes. finally. i'm so tired of looking at it.

hello tapas.

sunday.

2010-08-01T18:45:00.001-05:00

sunday was shockingly productive, although maybe not entirely in the ways it should have been (poems). here's all that happened.

scrubbed bathroom: shower, toilet, sink.
made corrections on the final non finalized poems for portfolio.
sent those poems to big mikey, we're meeting tomorrow for more work. thus, more productivity.
rinsed dishes, put the dishwasher on. (must buy dishwasher cleaner)
applied for two jobs.
put the bed sheets to wash.
showered/shaved/dressed.
walked around town.
got film developed.
bought a dress and a pair of earrings at topshop for 8 pounds total.
home, then made homemade baked ziti (needed more sauce) and garlic bread+ salad.
also, blackberry pie pockets with this:

they were a taste success, pie crust not from scratch. filling, yes. also, they turned out kind of ugly, the next batch i make, i will photograph if i get better. anyway, fun to make and better to eat.

all i want to do is take photos, buy clothes, and make pie pockets. and somehow magically lose weight. my so called diet is supposed to start tomorrow...let's see how well that goes since i just want to bake. the only plus side to that is that i don't usually eat what i bake...unless it's cookies, well chocolate chip. low cal dessert recipes? i must look them up...i guess.

anyway, that's that. picture fun tomorrow.

goodnight, i'm sleepy.

x

vespas and (something else)

2010-07-29T17:00:00.004-05:00

i'm bored. update.

no job yet, but i've actually had a few call backs- though i've rejected them. yeah, i can be picky if i'm looking for a shit 10-15 hour a week job so i can go on vacations and buy winter clothes. so i am. but...still, i'd like something soon. please? and casual.

on the money issue...turns out i was going to spain, then not going to spain and last night i officially booked my flight to spain. hell yeah. malaga and granada. which i know fuck all about, really...so some travel reading will be done very soon. all i need to know is sangria, sun, tapas, and malaga is the birthplace of antonio banderas. sexy!

i dyed my hair again and its now a dark plum purple red and not orange red like i had/want...so, not happy. i might be going back to brunette sooner than i thought. stupid fucking hair and weight gain. i'm really letting myself go.

i've decided to start a proper diet on august 1st. will i still be baking and eating sweets and bad food? of course. but just a lot less food in general and hopefully not as late at night and maybe some kind of exercise? last night i did the twist for half an hour while watching how look good naked. that counts? yeah it does.

okay, poems. who cares right? no one fucking does, but anyway...

i'm just a few poems/prose pieces away from having my work completely edited and finalized...now comes what is almost seeming like the hardest part, which is figuring out some kind of order for it all...i'm more over the writing hurdle because i'm so used to seeing these pieces they just start to mean nothing at all...but when it's all laid out in front of me...man, i know it's going to be a huge mess of weak whiny slop with child like imagery. for some reason it's looking like i say the phrase 'black and white' in every piece. these are the most popular words and phrases in the collection that i've noticed, in no order:

black and white
vespas
freckles
soft focus
eyebrows (often moving closer together)

yeah, those are the winners. seriously will be lucky if i pass.

anyway, that's things. i was up early the other morning and made some nice coffee and toasted/buttered baguette and was doing poems. it was like some kind of nice cliche. all i needed was a cigarette and a corner cafe.

also, i just ate an expired oatmeal pie. i might be dead soon.

toy story 3.

2010-07-19T18:01:00.001-05:00

love.
love.
love.
love.
love.
love.
love.
love.
love.
love. love. love. love. love. love.

more of a tumblr, post i guess...but whatever. brilliant.

x

sighs and huffs.

2010-07-17T09:45:00.002-05:00

hello blogger.

i'd like to say that i've been so busy and productive that i haven't had the time to write in this little internet nothing space, but that just isn't the case. in fact, i've been spending most of my time in bed or on my make-shift desk aka my couch, looking and staring at my writing or talking to liz or thinking that i'm being productive toward my portfolio if i just keep sending out my work to be edited by some peers. the tv is usually on as background, i've just discovered in the past couple of week that i really like come dine with me- so that has been quite a distraction, among other things. huff.

i've been severely slacking on my reading for the mfa degree next school year...i'm having doubts about them even letting me complete the next year. lord. anyway, on the plus side i'm getting my summer tutorial after several email pesters to the professors...which is honestly ridiculous, but whatever. it's going to get done, apparently. and now i'm freaking out that i'll be told everything is far too weak for the portfolio, which is already going to be too short...whoops.

i definitely need to write new material, at least one new poem i could use in my portfolio. muh. there's nothing to write about.

i'm bored.

what else has happened?

food eating and cupcake baking...day dreaming about travels and opening up my own shop. i think that's going to have to happen...well, i hope so. gimme a few years, kids.

the sun is coming out in glasgow and i'm still unshowered and am supposed to be doing work and getting ready for an italian meal tonight.

i'm pretty sure other things have happened- did some free proofreading, met some yelp strangers, busted out the typewriter again- though not enough yet, resisted some clothes buying.

right, back to portfolio, but more importantly travels. there's this idea that if i finish my portfolio by the 9th of august, that i will go to london for two days and then from london onto the south of spain, granada for a few more...

i think i could do with this for a few days:

ah, eyes on the prize/let's hope it happens.

okay...shower/reading.

x

lazy late night updates.

2010-06-24T19:58:00.001-05:00

back in scotland. texas was swell, i miss it so and i've only been back a week. i'd so be eating a pickle and watching forensic files right now.

anyway, scotland has been this so far:

lazy.

sleeping.

home cooked meals, including pineapple and chicken tacos with homemade misshapen tortillas.

heat/a new fan.

a birthday; drunk.

street fighter as background.

some reading and editing.

sunshine.

walking.

grocery shopping.

and that's about it...

headachey.

2010-06-11T00:03:00.002-05:00

why am i even updating this? i'm tired with a massive headache, you know the ones where you can swear you feel your brain floating around in your head? urgh.

so...back at home. san antonio was amazing and i love it to bits. i will be uploading photos to flickr soon, i think i have some good'uns.

i also made some lemon cupcakes that were giant and fluffy. probably some of the best cakes i've made, though not the prettiest, i'll be honest. more importantly, to make them i got to use my memere's kitchen aid mixer....so so so lovely.

tonight i showed my mom the one i want, the professional 600 series in black...i want it as my graduation present. i told her that and like a month in france at an ametuer cooking class...how sexy would that be? haha, she just said to look into it. haha...a girl can dream, can't she?

and speaking of, i've been adding more and more details to my dream home. so far i have this:

small little house, one and a half floors- because it must have a balcony.
a spanish tile roof.
an avocado tree.
a fireplace.
a hanging rack in my kitchen to hang pans on.
a kitchen aid mixer.
a puppy.
a red vespa in the garage.

okay, that's all i have so far...how lovely does that sound? ah.

i'm starting to fall a bit behind on my poetry project, but as of now i have ten poems and reedited a poem that could possibly go into my portfolio...so, that kind of counts, yes? i might write another one tonight, but it's really not looking like it. i've been crazy tired these past few days...and headachey. my sinuses are absolutely killing me.

is that the full update?

i feel like i need to take a lot of photos and show the world all the great purchases that have been happening lately. oh and hilariously i've gained a ton of weight and bought a pair of jeans in a size five today...LOL!

fear not, these jeans size mega big, there's no way in hell i could ever fit into a real size five. but still, that made my day. haha.

er...babe's fried chicken. yes. tomorrow taco diner...oh, and i'm going to visit my great grandma's grave site, so that should be...well, awkward and i don't really know what else.

on family news, my pepere is cleared for cancer for the next six months, yipee!

okay, my head hates me.

snooze.

x

june already.

2010-06-02T00:26:00.002-05:00

hello, june, hello summer.

the next few days are going to be in the hundreds...fantastic. and the heat is always hotter in san antonio...oft.

so, yes june...so far, like the end of may has already seen lots of eating. and there are fresh cherries and cannoli in the fridge, plus...ihop and jack in the box tacos...mexican wedding cookies, italian amaretto biscuits and a far far too vast assortment of ice cream...good thing i decided not to bake cupcakes today...

and i might as well throw in that we're hitting up downtown san antonio tomorrow...meaning a giant box of sweetbreads is so happening. fat a tat tat.

june also means lots of family time, the movies are still continuing with carrie (not the one you're thinking of) and zorba the greek, which i absolutely loved. i'm already starting to get sentimental about leaving, it's already sneaking up too fast and then all the stresses and slight to definite loneliness comes back. huff, six months till the return, and as much as i love christmas and already want to be home for that...it just means my time in scotland is passing by quicker. though i've almost definitely decided i want to do the fresh talent thing and stay and work full time after my degree...it's just a matter of finding a job that pays reasonable amounts if cash there. none of the teaching websites have responded to my emails...so they will get phone calls when i get back.

still though, being in san antonio and just something simple like a lovely big grocery store makes me already want to be here starting some kind of move toward real life and adult work...but you know...i'm a fickle pickle.

got another old camera, though they don't make film anymore though.

bug bites, itchy as fuck.

tons and tons of sun dresses, i've bought 12 in san antonio (so far) alone. ack.

also, i decided to do a personal be productive thing for june, a poem a day. basically i want to have 30 new "poems" (as in a poems or a detailed outline/stanza mess) by june 30th. i cheated a little bit so i could at least take my birthday weekend off and so far i've got five poems and i'm counting this as the evening of june 1st not june 2nd...so that's pretty good as far as stephanies are concerned. will it last or really help? who knows.

i need to get on the editing ball insanely bad. i've only done three first re edits, though casey cat has sent me editing help for a microfiction never submitted for class. the thing is...my portfolio is going to be like 1/3 submitted for class, 1/3 stuff already written but never submitted, and 1/3 new for the summer...it's quite a risk...but i feel i gotta save so much for next year...disaster? i hope not.

anyway, that's the goal. motivate me...please? i dunno if i can manage one tonight...already no good. i might try or i might just play plants vs zombies instead.

forever late.

2010-05-28T00:11:00.002-05:00

well, i'm in san antonio visiting some family now for the next several days.

my family and i were supposed to leave at six am and miss all the traffic but that didn't happen at all, and we ended up leaving closer 11 am. ah well, no sleep, chick fil a, and not much traffic. ta da.

upon arrival i got to meet my cousin's girlfriend and my pepere was bragging about all these old photography books he bought for two bucks. so i expected them to be manuels and technique books, which is still awesome, but turns out they are mostly like books focusing on photographers who were big in the 1920s-50s, with lots of photos of classy movie stars. some really amazing portraits by yousuf karsh. i only looked at three books, including one called 'sin in soft focus'...lots of old joan crawford and calra bow photos etc. amazing stuff.

after that i helped my memere make some shrimp creole and then watched roman holiday with them. turns out its my memere's favorite movie and i'd never seen it before. i had an ice cream cone.

my pepere was talking about how there are photos of him and my memere on a vespa from 1958...i want to find these.

and now i'm eating some pistashios.

anyway, san antonio is always a good relaxing time. it's amazing home much better this side of the family is and how i can relate to them so much easier.

so that is night one. about two days ago i got my project grade for one of my classes and i got he minimum mark to pass, so i am not at all happy about that, especially since i managed to raise my actual creative writing work for craft up, and now i get a lower grade on this...even though for certain one of my partners got four points higher than me, i'm sure the others did as well...

i don't think my response paper could've been *that* bad and i don't think his response paper could've been that good...our project was shit, bottom line...no one's grade should've been good. so yeah...insanely worried about next year, all the reading and work...like if they already don't like me, and i cannot get meter and rythymn though my head, then that's me fucked right from the start...my first few weeks are assignments in narrative blank verse, heroic couplets, a biblical something or other, ballads and lyric poems...fun fun fun...

i need to find out what's graded for these, i don't think the weekly assignments will be, unless it's structured like this past year where we have to reedit them all at the end of the semester...i hope not. fuck off.

so, there...rant. i need new material.

not doing the work.

2010-05-23T15:06:00.003-05:00

so, texas for about a week and a half. it's already going by pretty quickly, even though a lot of my time has been wasted sitting on the couch or browsing the internet.

there's still early risings, but they've calmed down a little. mostly because i went to bed at five am last night.

anyway, sleep patterns are boring.

i've definitely had my fair share of relaxing. i always think i'm going to get a lot of work when i come home and i end up doing nothing or near to it. so far i'm in the middle of editing a potential poem for my big portfolio, i've finally finished in cold blood and i've started ham on rye.

and that's it. i really want to write some new material while i am here, but i doubt that will happen. the editing is already hard enough. as i might have mentioned for my previous project, its hard to decide what work to use because you want to save the best for your big portfolio...and well, i found out that i still have to submit a big portfolio in august, i found that it needs to be low in the word count so that my portfolio i submit the following year is better...so now ive got to rearrange my thinking on what poems i use and someone turn that into a nice theme that's not identical to what i want to have for my mfa. annoying to say the least.

also, in terms of money and probably skill i don't think the phd will ever happen, but i can already tell i wont be ready to leave scotland next year...so i was hoping to do the fresh talent program or whatever it is called where i get to stay and work full time with a scottish degree...so if i was going to do that, i wouldn't want to do waitressing etc...so i was looking into teaching, just like kids or high school, whatever...and i know it's not ideal, but it pays and might be okay. but the websites i was looking at are muy confusing and its possibly looking like i might have to get certified there to teach, which is like a nine month course and all this confusing lingo...pft.

i've sent emails, i'm going to try and figure something out. i'm thinking about life planning, but i'm not really good at it.

anyway, got to see my heathie this weekend. always a lovely time. he got me a red ukulele for my birthday, it's adorable. i must get a photo of it soon.

i've had more mexican food, this morning my dad made pancakes...i've been eating pickles like crazy...iced tea...

been to denton a couple of times, got my first taste of the real housewives of new york, wine, shopping...

straight jacket and little shop of horrors for the first time, excellent.

all in all, things are alright...going well. san antonio later this week...so that'll be good too.

okay, now its time to shower, then maybe work on poems or dust my room?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

x

hello texas.

2010-05-13T11:45:00.002-05:00

so, i'm back home, my sleep pattern is already fucked, as i woke up at 7:30 this morning. i'm mostly just been lying in bed 'resting' and not sleeping. glee and i love lucy.

so, home a day later. thanks to iceland and their volcanic disaster my airline was offering flight exchanges for free before the 14th of may and i was feeling quite ill, so i rescheduled.

my flight wasn't the best of the flights. i was powerwalking to get my flight from london to home and then...it was an extra hour late, which i spent taxing around a runway. i was in the back of the plane, which smelled faintly of vomit and every now and then someone would come take a shit. yeah, like sprinkles on a smelly cake. also, a lot of turbulence.

and this may sound like a 'luxury' but about 85% of the international flights i take are on a massive plane, long seats of rows with their own flight screens and it usually takes nine hours for the flight. however, they started introducing a new flight that takes ten hours and is on a slightly smaller plane, no individual flight screen. guess which one i was on this time.

le sigh.

so, instead of eating mexican food in public, i opted for a rosa's pick up. delicious, especially with iced tea. showers are lovely...

and i've just been hanging out since and probably will until i leave. i've decided that portfolio work will start at some point next week. what's in store for today? who knows, my folks are still asleep. ive just been bored upstairs and munched on some cereal. it's either a nap or unpacking now.

x

because of cheese.

2010-05-03T06:25:00.002-05:00

it's sunny, and i've slept until noon...and something outside it constantly ticking and as been since last night. like a really loud seconds clock...quite quite annoying.

after a girlie night of carbs and face masks it was decided that an early morning meet up to scope out the local curves (ha!) and the university gym were much needed. however, that already got cancelled. i'm so fucked. something in terms of diet and exercise really needs to happen with me, and it needs to happen soon. i'm insanely worried about how weight i will gain in texas, oh god. i might need to bust out the richard simmons or wii fit.

so, this weekend was supposed to be my last food running, however in an effort to make grilled cheese, while cutting a block of cheese with an ikea potato peeler i managed to do this:

which might actually not look so bad, but after the bleeding stopped, i literally could not use m thumb at all...just yesterday i was able to hold a few cards in my hand for rummy...so there's no way i could carry hundreds of plates and do it quickly. so that's that, done with my job...even more poor now. woo...they didn't even bother to call me to tell me if they wanted me in for something other than food running, despite me going in friday night and talking to a manager about it. how rude, that classic catchphrase from full house.

i'm essentially home in a week, which is crazy soon. i've not started packing or editing or tidying really...everything is going to be last minute. in fact, i'm not even sure where my ticket is at in terms of email. i hope this trip is better than the last one.

i want cereal and only have expired milk.

the library has informed me that i have two days to turn in two books, so i suppose i should finish in cold blood el pronto to avoid those heavy fines....

still nothing, though.

x

big snore.

2010-04-26T08:28:00.003-05:00

big fat murgh. i'm currently crazy bored right now. someone should give me suggestions on what to do.

as of now, i have no major work due until august. i will begin the editing and reading new books process eventually, but its not essential until mid may. besides, i've already started reading in cold blood.

i'm only working on the weekends, really. twice a week. and i've already warned them that i'm heading home in may for a little over a month. that went down okay, basically i get some holiday pay and i can talk to them about getting my job back when i arrive, but they cannot hold my spot since i'm leaving for over four weeks...

i'm going to get so much fatter in texas, i'm really not looking forward to that.

um, my place is mostly clean dirt wise, its just always a clutter. i have clothes washing anyway...

basically i have no idea what to occupy my time with, i wish i was crafty or not lazy or something.

i guess i need my bangs cut and will eventually *need* some lunch...

big snore, big empty.

i don't think there is any actual news, except i want to watch more hitchcock films and get back to going to the cinema more. and back to writing/typing letters.

i feel like i need to meet new/more people, of course, i'm shy and not good at this or life.

what else? home soon. i got to pet a dog yesterday, that was adorable.

i want to be on holiday. somewhere with lush food and my own private swimming pool. thanks.

x

tumblring.

2010-04-21T08:09:00.001-05:00

hello. guess who has a tumblr?

me.

http://cherryogarcia.tumblr.com/

it'll be more interesting than this blog, probably. let's be tumbling buddies.

teenage kicks.

2010-04-17T08:17:00.002-05:00

feeling like i want to get into some kind of trouble soon.

liz, what do you think? x

it's a photo.

2010-04-14T08:37:00.002-05:00

well, before we get to all the photo fun. let's just say a sunny glasgow is a glasgow that i love, except if it gets much warmer over the summer months i might melt if left in my flat or having to climb lots of stairs with the sun hitting my back.

west brewery, lying in the sun trying to read. its amazing how girls and guys, mostly girls dress when a little bit of sun peaks out...guys in capris, i will never understand though. also, its amazing how no one actually seems to work when the sun is out either...as in, why aren't you working, not i can't read my book because you want to tell me about the sun and other pointless stories.

so just enjoying the sun a little bit and not doing much else at all.

however some good things...scottish gas finally got my bill under control and its much less than i originally paid, so i'm in the credit. and i've got two big assignments due next tuesday and i got some feedback from the department head and it was all amazingly positive, which came as a huge huge shock. slowly working my way in, kids. very slowly.

and that's about it.

casey farewell photos, and more on flickr...including some paris film shots.

and for dessert:

zombie rambles.

2010-04-08T15:06:00.007-05:00

oh, i can't really be bothered.

i feel like the last time slot so much has happened without actually happening that i don't really know where to start.

currently going on three and a half hours of sleep. last night was little curly fry's farewell. already. he will be severely missed. insanely depressing and i'm left to wonder just how different things will be around glasgow. especially when september rolls around. i feel like everything around me and occasionally including me are in a transition period. there's a lot of new that is supposed to happen, but how to get there is the part that worries me on a lot of different levels. which sounds vague, i know...but a lot of its petty and some i just can't be bothered with.

anyway, casey is gone. the frankenhoff review is picking up slightly at the last moment. and that is basically the most rubbish group project around, but you know...i've got that and another project due in less than two weeks. i should be reformatting that poem instead of this, but i cannae be bothered.

finally had my tutorial with kei after he forgot about the first time and it was actually really good. strong feedback and surprisingly a lot of it was positive/easy fixs. even for the 'microfictions' or lyrical essays wank wank wank. anyway, will have another one with him and should be sending michael work soon...urgh work. i'm trying to buckle down. i've been reading a lot more than usual lately. taking full advantage of the library for once in my life. good. pat me on the back.

easter was nice, and even work, yes even food running was okay. work though, i still don't like it. not looking forward to the shifts this weekend, as per usual.

ah, can't even function.

games, board and video.

so, lots of drinking and eating. my diet is failing because of mcdonald's monopoly. urgh.

my flat needs a super tidy.

i think my parents are doing just fine, but i'm still worried about them. i'm constantly having dreams where my dad's 'family' is gathered around and i'm ripping into them for everything awful they've ever done. there's usually a really surreal or troubling element though that never feels good when i wake up. also, i really wish my cunty aunts would mind their own business. its my dad or mom's fault that nobody loves them and they've got nothing better to do than sit on their fat boil covered asses and snoop around or write letters with spelling mistakes harassing my family. fuck right off.

so glad to be done with them i can't wait until its infinitely permanent.

anyway what's some more bad news? ah, joe is jobless at the end of next week...

also, the whole what to do with your life thing is creeping up more and more lately. i saw the most adorable little rufus puppy on being walked down byres the other day and it really made me want a dog. but with that is wanting to be in san antonio (probably) with my nice little apartment that i can decorate myself, put holes in the wall, color coordinate. have a job that isn't too awful. just have a really adult kind of life and hang out with my puppy and eat barbacoa tacos and save up for that vespa and red espresso machine. etc.

it all sounds nice and unrealistic even though it shouldn't be. at the same time. i still feel too irresponsible and young for all of that. so you know...one day.

cupcakes:

and hair dye:

and for some reason it looks quite odd here:

i'm hoping it will be a little lighter the next time i dye it.

oh, i have a cactus now.

line breaks.

2010-03-17T10:10:00.002-05:00

okay, so bear with me while i sulk.

my meeting with the head of the department did not go so well. i did get confirmation on the fact that he thinks i'm an idiot. basically he doesn't even want me to do the second year of the mfa program (first year of the phd) even though i've already been accepted for it. he thinks i should reconsider it because there is a lot of reading and all the reading, at least for the first semester is like 16th century works- old formal poetics, which i'm not into and he knows that. and also, he's worried about me because everyone else going into that program will have already been trained and familiar with writing of that sort and i won't be so i'm at a huge disadvantage. part of me thinks well, maybe he's right. i looked at the list and a lot of it does sound really dull to be fair. but when he's talking like i can't do, like i'm too dumb for it, it really bothers me. he suggested maybe doing the fiction, but again there's so much reading...

he has not really seen much of my work...but lately everyone seems to be on my case about how i shouldn't be writing poetry. apparently one of the instructors told him i can't do line breaks, in which he informed me that i cannot learn line breaks, that if i do not know how to do them then i shouldn't be writing poetry. my work shop instructor doesn't understand what makes the work poetry and not prose, so she thinks i shouldn't be writing poetry either. also, she said that the professors probably do not like my work because its not 'serious' enough or 'deep'; it's too frothy and sometimes cute. which as far as i'm concerned, really is not fair.

i told the department head that for some reason, can't imagine why, i don't feel like i'm good enough to be here. and he got all wobbly and tried to say he has no regrets for letting anyone into the program and that he liked my portfolio. which is the same stuff i am writing now, so i don't understand.

so i have a tutorial next week with kei, who's a poet and i think i will vent and try not to breakdown in front of him and ask him exactly what he thinks i should be doing. while also getting my work looked at. department head said to send him material after easter, would could potentially be helpful, if not even more degrading though.

so, i don't really know what to do. i don't really want to leave glasgow anytime soon. i have nothing else to do, as i was planning on at least doing the mfa. i guess i can definitely kiss the phd goodbye. i dunno. i just want the work to get better and to pass...i need connections and lots of help.

also, i need to go to some reading tonight and then i'm getting drunk. its st. partick's day. yes. so happy st. patrick's day.

i should maybe get some makeup and real clothes on. muh. i kind of just want to sleep all day long.

double shift tomorrow. yay...

x

two weeks or so past.

2010-03-15T07:07:00.003-05:00

murgh.

last night was a strange combination. i kept waking up in the middle of the night because i was having these really vivid crazy dreams, that i think i blame glee for (because in one my dad was in a wheelchair and in one other one, ashley was pregnant)- anyway, normally when i keep waking up in the night i feel insanely groggy each time, but i was completely rested and felt like i had been sleeping for hours. which is opposite of how i am feeling now.

over the past few months i've grown insanely lazy with everything, i don't know whats wrong with me. i go through a burst of like an hour or two, rarely, where i want to be productive and get things done, whether its with my flat or school work. i'm even lazy in my new job. like, i just don't care about it at all, and i dunno if that is just because i kind of hate it or if because i'm pretty sure they will let me go when i tell them i'm going home for a month or what. i dunno. the job has been going fine except for the fact that i hate food running and basically have to do it every friday night. its just insanely sweaty and i'm weak...it's not fun. at all.

and my first paycheck was a big fuckall 26 pounds, i'm hoping because not that many shifts counted for that one. anyway, thats being spent on a cheapo asda vacuum cleaner because my shark suddently stopped working and the vacuum the flat came with was broken before i arrive. urgh. sad times. i wish i could afford a henry.

so what? basically nothing has been going on, just going through work motions and trying to tie together enough words for my last ever workshop. that's tuesday. classes officially end next week...all that free time. all the potential editing and failure. i'm actually worried i might not pass this course, which would not be good in multiple ways. on the one hand, i've been thinking that if i do, i might try and do the phd after my mfa...it'd only be another two years...and then everyone can call me dr. garcia. or...i could do something better like open up a cupcake shop. well, maybe.

anyway, went to the cinema for the first time in ages on friday. a lucio fulci double bill with curly fry. love it.

also, film nights at the flat have been going down pretty hilariously. they will definitely be missed when ole curly leaves, which is in like three weeks. what the hell. here comes all the friend losing, yet again.

also, instead of italy, i think i'm going home in may. i think it will be good, yeah.

joeface's birthday was last week and for the occasion i made some cupcakes: abuelita/mexican hot chocolate ones. see:

fun times, though i still need a glass bowl. my ma told me for easter she bought me a frosting bag with loads of tips from william sonoma. i'm excited :)

okay, well...tidy time and then off to a meeting with the big head of the department. he's going to tell me i'm stupid and rubbish...i just know it. oh god.

x

paris wrap up.

2010-03-04T05:08:00.004-06:00

well, i was going to make an update real quick yesterday yet again posting 'responsibility in metaphor' but i couldn't find a text version online to save my life...which is hilarious, silly, and wrong.

basically i was stalling the big paris entry, which again will mostly be photos and not words. i don't do words these days, which is a shame. that's okay, only billy and liz read this anyway.

so, paris.

guess what, i like paris now. not that i didn't like it at all, but this time paris seemed all the more lovely. no sweat, in fact mega winds and one perfect day outside in montmartre. a little wondering around by myself, which insued pick up lines and a conversation with nikolai on the steps of the sacre coeur, which consisted of him speaking french, me shaking my head, him pointing to his eyes, me saying texas, and him offering me a place to stay. classy.

the sacre coeur might win as my favorite paris monument sort of thing. i previously thought it was the arc, which i absolutely adore for some reason, but i dunno...day time sacre coeur, step sitting. it all reminds me a little of the duomo, which is completely where i could spend the rest of my life, granted that i can get pizza from the shop nearby. i'm thinking italy in may, possibly, hopefully.

anyway, paris. i had a lot of really nice meals, not quite as many pastries or baguettes as i would've liked to, but one of the two baguettes i ate was not warm, but hot...and amazing. mega love.

angelina's hot chocolate and surprise creme filled pecan brioche. i don't even know exactly how to express my love for it in words.

anyway, everyone, say 85-90% of people were friendly...and not just like they weren't rude...they were overly friendly, like here's an extra chocolate, here's more bread, let me stop making crepes and come take a photo with you friendly...or my favorite, here take some extra pig shaped meringues with you <3

24 hour restaurants. glasgow...hurry up with that. i miss ihop.

i really like walking down streets, alone when its windy outside...especially if the sun is out. it's a nice way to spend some vacation time. ah, romance.

bought some hilarious vintage dresses for cheap, a new perfume. lots of cheese and wine. good stuff. i'd go back, but i fucking hate paris beauvais airport...a lot...damn ryan air. also, my phone probably got pickpocketed instead of me just losing it...and a bird shit on my head...oh, and i lost a glove. bad luck ahoy! but still...fine. now i have a lovely cute phone with orange...241 cinema wednesdays? yes.

so all my holiday photos are on flickr of course. which there's a total spambot making my flickr count get thousands of views, very odd...

anyway, here are a few. i'm lazy:

ta da.

also, my first work shift...well, it was okay. friday will be awful, and sunday will be ten hours long...fuck sake.

bon voyage.

2010-02-25T04:17:00.003-06:00

well, kids...my little suitcase is packed with clothes of black, red, and white only. and two cameras.

so, this time that means i'm off to paris for the weekend. hopefully i will have stories to tell, though they will mostly be about eating and how i was probably too distracted to get any writing done. ah well.

love xo

here goes.

2010-02-18T13:50:00.003-06:00

well, it's reading week and there's not been a lot of that going on. i did finish the house on mango street and have just started a new book. reading poerty quite sparely. jotted down some short poem ideas...my 'writing junka 2010' folder is all about quantity vs quality at the moment.

so...valentine's day was quite nice. casablanca in the cinema, h and m gift card, and i made some heart shaped empire biscuits. the recipe i used was a bit of a liar, but they turned our far far more tasty then this photo lets on:

okay...so tuesday i had an interview at little italy, and i thought that went quite well...though the guy did go off on a tangent about how he doesn't quite get why he needs to tip 15-20% for servers in america, even though i told him we only get paid over slightly two bucks an hour...but he did admit the service is better an america...and it is. by the longest mile possible. anyway, i was supposed to hear from them this evening and i didn't. so i guess i didn't get that...which is fine, because i have another job instead...that might/hopefully will be slightly better.

so, wednesday i had an interview a bar on ashton lane. oh, fancy hip ashton lane. no way i'd ever get a job there, i'm too friendly and unhip...but i got a call this morning and i was 'successful' in my interview for some reason. anyway, i'm quite happy about this one. a job, waitressing. i have my first night of training on tuesday- coffee and bar training...i'll learn how to use a fancy coffee machine. well, chuffed. though, i hope its not too difficult for me...i dunno, i'm all paranoid. even though i think being a sever in the states is harder, so i dunno...

anyway, i get to wear whatever i want to training. converse it is. i'm dying to know what the uniform is like. when i was there each girl was wearing something different. a couple jeans, some slacks- some sweaters, button up shirts...who knows. anyway, i'm hoping it won't secretly be slacks, a white button up shirt and a tie.

so, that's that. job...a job that i think i get to keep for the time being. unless i totally fail at drinks. it could happen.

also, i finally got a haircut today. by the most adorable little guy ever. he was very slow and specific though. no more split ends and next month i think i'm going ginger. well, that's the plan.

i thought i was going to say more...but i guess that's me out. glee is on and i'm losing my concerntration.

x

HA!

2010-02-12T13:17:00.002-06:00

remember how i said things were turning up? fuck that.

so, today...while getting on the bus to head to my work trial, my new headphones caught on the bus seat and all the plastic/wiring shredded. and then i show up to my trial after being on the bus for just over an hour and the guy tells me i cannot do the trial because my shoes are not black enough. mind you...i looked for black work shoes a bit a couple of hours right after i found out about the trail and didn't see any/see any in my size- however, if i had more time i would've i'm sure...also, the guy didn't specifically tell me to have them or that i need them, and also...it's just a fucking trial. surely at that point how good of a waitress i actually am means more than the fucking shoes i am wearing...

also, the black boots i was going to wear for this one off trial broke last night...great.

so, this old man is sending me home and saying i might get another trial and i was asking well, will i for sure? i don't want to go out and look for these shoes if i'm not going to. and he was like, well lemme ask the boss etc...so, i'm standing literally a foot or two away from the boss- who owns a giant diamond ring and was sitting with his wife and two other people- and he's telling him about my shoes and the woman looks over at me, not nicely either...and he's just nodding his head. the old man comes back to me and says the boss will call me for another trial, and i was like...for sure? what day is what i'd like to know. and he was like, he has your number, he'll call you next week...just get some shoes, don't worry about them making you taller (thanks) etcetcetc.

so yeah, i'm sure i'll be getting that call...

and on the sulky bus ride home, the bus decided to stop halfway on its route...so i had to walk home. at least it got me a free hot chocolate from julie. pft....

so, that's that. 20 pounds spent on work clothes for nothing...fun. on the plus side, i don't think i would've liked too much if they're not even willing to bypass something quite small when they wanted me there last minute...but mostly cos the bus ride was hella long for no reason. no thanks. i want some closer and more laid back.

so, the job hunt continues...and so does the bad luck.

sulky/lazy night in. maybe i can get some reading done and pig out. liz come over.

a little turn up.

2010-02-12T05:45:00.003-06:00

so, maybe things are starting to turn up a little?

i had a job interview yesterday that lasted approximately 45 seconds and today i start my trail run, because the boss says thats what works best...so, i'm thinking if i don't totally fuck up the entire night then i will have a job! however, i also have a feeling maybe they just need extra staff because it's valentine's day weekend and then after monday i'm gone? who knows...i've got far more of a chance getting a job then i did two days ago...so that's good news. waitressing, cute little italian place...except it's in the south side, which is a lot farther than i wanted to travel...so, i guess that means more slumber parties at ennui's house and possibly more monopoly.

so, that's maybe the biggest news...but between that and getting exctied about reading and wanting to about writing and sunshine, and trying to focus on a few things i'm feeling pretty good these last couple of days...and paris soon.

now, if only i could keep my flat as tidy as i want to.

i'm off to do some laundry and boil some chicken.

wish me luck on all accounts.

beans beans the magical fruit.

2010-02-10T16:40:00.003-06:00

really ASDA? really?

12 cans of smart price baked beans and 12 cans of tinned spaghetti...REALLY?

so monday i got some groceries delievered and they failed to give me my two tubs of half fat sour cream and some cooked and peeled prawns, instead i get 24 cans of tinned slop, two bags of farfalle pasta (my favorite shape, mind you), and some madras spice blend.

i don't understand it and i literally have no clue what i'm to do about all this canned food. must figure something out, as of now it is just taking up counter space.

right, so the past few days in glasgow have been quite nice...as in they've been sunny, and i definitely love a sunny glasgow. it really makes me appreciate living here. so today i had a nice quiet day walking around and taking some photos. met with juju for a stroll in the park and a cuppa and then went to meet maura for for the smallest free cup of water and a slice of dry lemon drizzle cake. not much gossip either way and then off to the library.

so, next week is reading week and i thought i should actually do some reading. i've checked out the following books:

in cold blood: capote
the house on mango street(for a vingette writing refresher): cisnernos
italian cinema: peter bondanella
the selected prose of fernando pessoa
blindness: jose saramago
and murrball gave me a book to read called how to be idle by tom hodgkinson

i need more poetry in my life right now, though. i'll gladly take suggestions. anyway, i hope to finish the house on mango street tomorrow and i brought a hoagland book with me. i adore him.

so, let's see how much of that gets done by next sunday. so, on top of the reading i really really want to try and write some more. i wrote two shit small poems today, but whatever...it's all a start. i'd like to write at least five more (that includes reworking mega old poems) by the end of reading week and at least start (yes, a finish would be better) a microfiction. tonight/tomorrow i might dust something off to submit for aye write. so, the mlitt program gets a 45 minute reading session during the aye write festival next week and they can take on eight people...i don't think they would take me and i absolutely hate reading, but at the same time you know...might as well? i guess. i dunno.

anyway, i want things to start getting productive around here. i finished a film roll today- going to get that developed and hopefully a black and white roll tomorrow- so i should have some new photos, whee.

also, i made these sun dried tomato and feta cheese muffins tonight- they only okay? they seem a bit dry, possibly overcooked cos my folks called me right in the middle of the baking...muh. i'll stick to cuppies...and possibly some empire biscuits for valentines day, if i can find a cheap heart shaped cookie cutter!

oh...and i'm going to paris at the end of the month. i said i needed to get away and i am...and at first i muh, paris...but i'm actually really excited to go. i'm hoping i like it more this time. i think i automatically will because it won't be sweaty. yay, travels. bread and pastries and wine, and photo taking.

xx

woe, baby.

2010-02-01T18:11:00.003-06:00

i'm slow. slow in just about every form these days. how unfortunate.

so, i've been meaning to post some glasgow/liz outing photos and i've not done that. she has, i probably will in this post. but as always, there's more on flickr.

but before all the fun stuff comes the ho hum.

so, that being said my parents are officially jobless, which has me worried in hundreds of different ways. mostly i think they are going to be alright. i still get a lump in my throat practically every time i talk to them on the phone though for some strange reason...because they sound mostly pretty happy. I assume some of it might be a bit fake, but overall it sounds rather genuine. still it depresses me. i do think it's ultimately for the best and to be honest, no matter how horrible it might be to say or type, i'm really happy that i never have to go to forced family visits/holiday phone calls again. i'm more than happy to never have anything to do with that side of my family again, it's been a secret wish for a while now. and when my great grandmother died my reason for ever wanting to see any of that family again died as well. i wish nothing but awful things for them, no doubt that they don't deserve them.

the job hunt for me is forever pointless so it seems. no one will even get back to me to tell me they don't want me, much less an interview. i dunno what it is about me.

pft, so. school. i've been having a lot of doubts lately about my writing. when i reread it, it's very hard to find anything but high school simple scribblings. it definitely doesn't feel like real writing...and i got my portfolio marks back tonight and i got c's on both of them. which, i'm trying to make myself feel better about because they did tell us basically that a's are a total rarity and you should be happy to pass. literally was told, your goal should be to pass, not to get distinctions...but...um. yeah. i'd like to have at least gotten b on something.

anyway, besides being down on the marks...i've got some massive writers block going on. i'm just not quite sure what to do really. like i can think of ideas but when i try to get something out it just doesn't formulate at all. and i've got a long assessed piece due in like two weeks...so something new needs to be churned. and i'm basically out of material for workshops. i have a few old poems that i've been wanting to expand upon, so we'll see how that turns out. but really...i need new stuff and it's just not there...at all. i'm feeling quite fucked at the moment. i really don't think i'm cut out for this. what an expensive mistake...hm.

on the plus side i did make some lovely sour cream spinach enchiladas. maybe i'm a little mexican after all.

okay, a few photos:

and for fun, korean stepho.

right. i'm going to sulk and eat an orange.

hello/yawn.

2010-01-20T04:13:00.002-06:00

well, the stepholiz has found comfort in lying on the couch and watching the jeremy kyle show. one of today's topics is 'mum, why won't you stop inhaling butane gas?' brilliant. i miss maury.

there's been a lot of sleep, but not quite at the right times. not enough photos or overeating, or drinking for that matter. we're just old and lazy. i was out of stories by the first gossiping night. and now the visit is something like halfway over, so by tomorrow it will all go by really quick. i'm worried about being a bad host...on the plus side i made an alright breakfast of scramby eggs, bacon, and chocolate croissants. nom.

we might be cupcakin' it today...might as well, add the golden girls to that experience at some point. especially since my dvd player is now magically region free thanks. it's good to know geeks sometimes.

the blog might be going through another wee makeover, it just depends...but you know...the url is already different. boo. there's a lot of things going on right now that i'm not specifically supposed to address and i'll do that out of respect to my parents, so you know, give it time and i'll open my big mouth. also, my family members are spying on me, which is pretty classic considering they are grown adults or around fifty with kids...brilliant.i guess i expect nothing less.

so anyway, despite making liz's holiday quite miserable, i'm actually glad she's around at this time. it's been really good to just kind of gossip about absolute nonsense and hear vaguely familiar stories in more detail. still, it doesn't make me a good host.

my first submission for the new year of workshop is due today essentially, which is absolutely bad considering i did no writing sans half a poem and a twee microfiction over christmas break. i'm running out of back stock and i fear i'm in a pool of writer's block. i'm really going to try anf pull somethings together for february...it's just rough and i'm in the process of discovering that basically everything i write is the exact same situation...like...exactly. it's stressing me out, among other things.

all the stress could be why i've felt so tired since i've returned to wee glasgow. although, i'm mostly just making excuses for being old and boring. i mean, i do find going to waitrose fun...slightly pathetic or more than that.

this is basically a completely pointless update, obviously. once liz leaves i might have some more stories, plus i'm having a little unt student come stay with me this weekend and she starts her study abroad semester at strathclyde on monday. oh, strathclyde, i hope she has a class with david goldie. he's sexy. yes.

i wish strollers would quit going by my flat...i keep thinking it's rain.

that reminds me that i need new wellies, mine are ripped to shreds. blah.

so it looks like it might be nap time? why is nothing good on tv or showing at the cinema?

reunited and it feels so gooood.

2010-01-16T05:40:00.002-06:00

mac n cheese in the micro, chicken nuggies in the oven...liz on my couch...these are some good things in my life right now.

on the other hand, hello aunties...i know you're reading this...

and we're off...

2010-01-02T09:41:00.003-06:00

well, it's morning and i'm up, on purpose so that can only really mean a handful of things...one being today was the victoria's secret semi annual sale. yeah, i did pretty good on that...lots of bras to try on. fun times, well kind of.

I'm now drinking coffee, my stomach is full of two donuts- one being hot off the conveyer belt, and i'm running on an hour and a half of sleep. a nap is certainly in order, yet i do not want to completely waste the day seeing as it's our last day in ole san an.

this start of this vacation was quite slow and miserable, but now that i'm due back in scotland soon it's going by a little too quickly and as predicted the feelings of not wanting to go back to my overseas home and deal with money management and school, reading, cold, assorted drama, and bad food...before i leave home my texas pride starts to shine.

san antonio is always lovely and i really do want to live here at some point, possibly some point soon. but who knows. i'm thinking maybe the two year program might not quite be for me yet. more details on all of that once i find someone at university to talk to...the problem is who. they aren't very helpful. the uk needs lessons in customer service. anyway, the visit has been pretty calm. sadly i've not taken any photos, thus not getting my hands on the sought after leica. gorgeous. mostly card games, eating, and lying in bed watching old movies. i've decided my pepere is a combination of humphrey bogart and fernando rey.

my cousin keeps popping firecrackers and is the self proclaimed new cary grant.

haha, my memere just said she wouldn't like to eat hamburgers with boobs in her face. she says boobs, bubs. i like that she hasn't lost her french accent. it's adorable.

i've done some shopping, besides the victoria's secret...i'm becoming more girlie in my old age and stocked up on some cheap dresses and skirts from forever 21...and i finally own a betsey johnson dress, two in fact. discounted, 50 bucks each. both pink, but adorable. i'm very excited. a smell a photo whoring session. which is a disgusting phrase.

i had a quiet new years with heath at his apartment. it was just some gossip and sailor jerry, very nice. plus, we ate dinner at homeslice pizza. the smell in there should be bottled. i'd wear it.

so, the new year? let's hope it's better than 2009. please. you could probably already guess the resolutions i'd make. no point in typing them out, that's just more commitment.

holiday photos.

2009-12-28T00:05:00.002-06:00

holy moo cows, i'm a sleepy cat right now. my sleep pattern isn't going well, it's like going to bed late and waking up on and off in the early morning hours until i finally just have to get up. also the past few nights i've not gotten many hours of sleep. hopefully i'll do some catching up tonight, because there is no way i'm going to even last past two this morning. i'd be very very surprised if i did.

anyway, i'm now in san antonio. the drive over was fine. my whole family overslept and we left two hours later than expected, but you know...not much traffic, some whataburger. i like being short because it allows me to lie comfortably in the back seat of the truck. all in all, totally fine.

the night before that i saw c and b, adorable. b still tells excellent stories + one jack in the box taco.

the night before that was christmas. yay. christmas was nice. i managed to get some cash (thank god, cos i have to pay off a huge credit card bill) a couple of gift cards, chocolate monopoly (!) a new perfume i wanted and a nice new bag. shopping ahoy in san an, even though i maybe shouldn't...but you know, the victoria secret semi annual sale is the 2nd...gotta get me some cute knickers and lacy 'hings.

uh...dinner was yum...and i made homemade mac n cheese for the first time. success.

so, yeah...the snow thing...here's a lot of photos from christmas eve snow day and christmas. there's a wee bit more on flickr, but nothing too much more interesting that the following:

ta da. that's that in a nutshell. i have no idea what is instore for tomorrow...but i really oughta tie up some work. too sleepy for that now.

king of the hill + a cookie.

xx

frosting.

2009-12-24T14:05:00.003-06:00

well, can you believe it's snowing in ole texas on christmas eve!?!

i cannot. especially since it was pretty warm yesterday. i took some photos earlier, but now the snow flurries are in full force and they are actually starting to stick to the ground. it's very cute and very christmasy...so that plus all the baking and watching pee wee's christmas special (which is totally brilliant) makes it feel a little more like christmas. so more snow photos to follow, but now it's time to brag about the baking and be totally vain...all in christmas time fun!

unfrosted peppermint mocha cuppies.

peppermint mocha cupcakes.

nom.

smore cuppies.

smore cupcakes up close.

and me being ridiculous as usual, sporting my excellent johnny cupcakes tribute to a christmas story shirt.

okay, well i guess that's about it for now. the past few days have been pretty okay. tomorrow is christmas, tonight begins 24 hours of a christmas story and holiday snacking. this weekend san antonio...and i might just get my hands on the leica.

also, i need to do some work...currently reading valentine place. i'm hoping it's going to inspire me, so far couples and sex and hitchcock references...sounds up my alley...kinda.

i'm going to go play in the snow. ciao.

x

2009-12-23T02:52:00.001-06:00

so, i would probably give anything to fuck julian casablancas, even if he has a feather in his hair.

rufus and the pupcake.

2009-12-20T23:13:00.002-06:00

oh man...what a sight! haha.

getting sentimental.

2009-12-17T11:33:00.002-06:00

let's start by saying i totally forgot how delicious lucky charms are. i just demolished a big bowl of them. wife swap is on, the pjs are on...i'm on a downward spiral of total lazy. i thought it was bad in scotland...blah. new year, new changes...i at least need a job.

anyway, i don't know what to say. there's been a little catching up within the past few days. i mostly just sit there and collect information about other people's lives and that's fine. i like listening, especially when i have nothing to tell really. the thing is...i've been doing a lot of thinking and i think i'm actually really happy i decided to go back to scotland and decided to go back to school. not like i really had another plan if i wasn't going to school...i was mostly just going to run to san antonio and work for the camera shop...which, in all honesty would've been fine. especially until i found a graduate school to take me. i love san antonio and i love my family there. i know i'll end up there at some point...and hopefully i'll have my little red vespa by then so i can make trips to the neighborhood taqueria all the time. aw, fantasies.

school isn't fantastic, the actual schooling part...but i really like some of the people i've met this year...i like my flat, i like walking around in a coat and scarf, i like decent orange juice in my vodka and oranges...and loads of little tiny things that make glasgow feel nice and cozy sometimes. i call both texas and scotland home, and it's nice to have a sense of two homes that are completely different. even now my mom will refer to glasgow as my home too, which before that did not go down so well. she was even fine with the idea of me possibly staying to work there after my program if i make it that far...woof.

all that being said. it still is always nice to be home. i just wish things felt more like christmas...although i am getting quite old. i will still be wrapping presents while watching rudolph and a charlie brown christmas...i'll still wake up earlier than i should to open presents...i'll spend all day watching a christmas story. oh yeah.

holiday baking will start either sunday or monday...and i think this year i'll be making chocolate chip cookies, smore cupcakes, and trying out some peppermint mocha cupcakes.

which reminds me i've not had a cranberry bliss bar yet...i need to get on the american eats. i did have fried pickles last night. most excellent!

i've not taken any photos so far, which is slightly upsetting. i'm sure more will follow in san antonio.

i need poem ideas. someone give me some.

x

ah, father time.

2009-12-13T09:49:00.002-06:00

so, home so far is been quite stressful. loads of family problems and then mega bad eye allergies, slight congestion, and somehow my sleep pattern is still outta whack. i know this because never do i willingly wake up at eight or nine in the morning.

on the plus time i'm glad i'm with my family for moments like these, but it's definitely not pleasant to come home to. all this uncertainity is mostly what kills me, though i'm sure a conclusion of some sort will be out by the time i leave again. at least i hope. on the small plus side, my eyes are clearing up and the congestion isn't even a problem anymore.

so far the best thing i've consumed is dr pepper. oh, how i've missed you.

because of my eyes i've only been out of the house to go see the doctor and last night i went to target looking like an absolute bum. it's amazing i didn't run into anyone from high school. thank fuck. i think today a little bit of christmas shopping will take place. i'm mostly done, maybe?

it doesn't really feel like christmas. it's a very strange feeling being home this time. part of it is the grey overcast in the house, but the yard isn't decorated, my little room tree isn't up, the proper tree isn't decorated, there's hardly anything under the tree...i did watch rudolph's shinny new year yesterday? that has to count for something i suppose.

also, i watched scarface for the first time ever.

anyway, it's time to maybe be a little productive. i think i'm going to eat a bowl of cereal and unpack. yeah.

home on the range.

2009-12-10T22:34:00.005-06:00

haha...guess who's back in texas.

it's definitely been a long a day, probably one of the longest feeling dull boring etcetcetc transatlantic flights i've been on. for some reason the flight from london was an extra hour and i had no little tv screen in front of me, thus no control of in flight movies and more importantly- i cannot check the flight map as often as i want to. plus some tall scary nordic woman was hacking next to me. i felt very dirty the entire flight. huff/strop.

it's quite strange being home and my parents have done up the house so, obviously it still feels like home, but it looks different and everything in my room is all situated differently...as in my belongings. new furniture, curtains...etc. i've already had some iced tea and mexican food, despite constantly being fed shite food on the plane. i'm very tired, with itchy eyes and a luke warm cup of coffee. my little pup is sleeping next to me. i really miss having a dog.

tomorrow i'm going to the doctor for my eye allergy thing...it's out of control.

also, my parents bought me the cutest christmas apron; i'm excited for holiday baking. suggestions?

right, so remember when i went to germany? i do...since it was only a few days ago. ah, germany times.

so, bremen and hamburg. so far, my inclination that everything about germany/in germany is hilarious happens to be pretty accurate. also, i like germany, i don't love it. i would go back, i'd like to see some other cities and maybe some more of hamburg when it's not the rainy christmas season. as hamburg actually seems quite fun. bremen on the other hand has a few cute cafes and if the christmas market wasn't around i literally have no idea what the fuck i'd do there.

that being said, i had a lot of fun anyway. m cat is a good travel buddy, especially since i don't know a lick of german and she's quite good at it. her pal raven (see her blog in the pals section) is most excellent. you're welcome at mine missy when you make it to glasgow! so, let's go through a list of things that spring to mind about my trip in my tired state of mind.

- mutha fuckin pretzels. my absolute favorite thing about germany.
- the happy sailor carnival ride; way more fun than it should have been.
- people not crossing the street because the little green man isn't showing, despite the clear lack of cars.
- toilet seat sanitizer.
- a giant shoe shining machine in our bremen hotel, we put that to good use.
- taking poor raven to the hospital.
- eating elk bratwurst. thanks maura.
- giant windmill.
- getting lost/walking in the rain.
- talking to an irish racist in the 'irish pub'
- hat shopping and coming up empty handed.
- CORNY BIG!
- smooth excellent trains.
- cute anchor/heart logo astra beer.
- the red light district of hamburg and their moonbooted tanned hookers.
- hot chocolate and amaretto
- getting drunk and literally running in the streets...as a result, losing my black beret.
- chicken kebabs! nom nom nom.
- making way for grumpy bikers.
- taking ridiculous food photos.
- hamburg on the water, very pretty.
- spinny sombrero ride that's not ideal to go on after vodka and fried dough.
- getting carded :)
- looking at a lot of useless knick knacks.

and probably more things that i am not remembering, but it's been a long day. also, i think with all the eating (despite all the walking) i gained some weight in germany...i'll find out exactly how much tomorrow morning. oi. anyway...i'm determined not to gain more than two pounds this holiday season. but we'll see...pft, i think i really need to figure out where the gym on/close to campus is and start going there. mega fatty, pity cos i was doing alright before i left to scotland...i don't understand. i don't think i've lost any weight, but i think my leg are bigger...walking. hm, not a good look for me.

anyway, enough of that crap. germany photos are on flickr. in the process right now of finishing the entire uploading process. here's a few of my favorites from the trip that are uploaded.

okay, that's enough i suppose. that's me signing off.

x

germany jokes.

2009-12-02T05:54:00.002-06:00

haha...i'm on my way to germany...it's going to be hilarious. expect lots of food photos and if you know me in real life awful tacky german gifts. wheeeeeeee!

also, lots of new photos on flickr. am on too much of a time crunch to actually copy and paste. but go look :)

xx

huff.

2009-11-25T19:23:00.000-06:00

oh man, it's thanksgiving. i want to be home.

family, a dog, cranberry sauce, please?

christmas swoon.

2009-11-20T10:25:00.001-06:00

this, i absolutely love. tres adorable.

/

ah, julian.

waitrose adventures!

2009-11-16T10:57:00.002-06:00

right, because of my lack of internet and my completely busy lifestyle, this has been postponed a bit. but, last thursday excitement abounds in glasgow with a waitrose in the west end. yee haw. supermarket fun and dancing. here's a few photos of my first day waitrose adventure:

and then some dinner:

i like that the chicken looks like a potato.

other than that...i really should be doing more work. i've got portfolios due in january and the work that is supposed to go into it needs some heavy editing and tender care. oft. christmas break won't be as lazy as once hoped. also, i'm kind of broke...and also, going to germany in like two and a half weeks and then home for christmas. i don't understand time.

blah. a few new editions to flickr besides waitrose fun, if you're interested, like halloween and torn up baguettes. i want to go to the cinema soon, join me.

also, i think hot chocolate is on the horizon...and internet is supposed to be up and running properly by wednesday. let's hope it works out.

whee!

chilly in the library.

2009-11-06T07:51:00.002-06:00

so, i'm still dealing with a severe lack of internet. that should hopefully be taken care of within the next week and a half or so. hooray, fun times to look forward to.

in the meantime nothing is really going on. the hum drum of school work, not reading, attempting to write poems, attempting to write poems with metaphor and subtext (not by choice) i wrote a about a picnic, a koala bear, and made a quick wizard of oz reference...i'm clearly a genius. urgh...so the school work is coming and going. i 'm quite disappointed in the program to be a little honest, but on the plus side i am writing more and getting good feedback. the workshops are the only thing i quite love. also, a few people are already dropping out because of lack of goodness in the program. including my bitching partner alex. curse him.

I'm not taking as many photo as i would like.
my flat is impossible to keep clean.
i'm constantly wanting noodles/miso/maki i.e. i'm in love with oko express.
craving really good macaroni n cheese and hot chocolate i.e.it's always in the back of my mind.
i miss baking in a bigger kitchen.
it's raining a lot; my feet are cold.

pft...what else. movies. i absolutely adored this is it, it was a lot better than i expected, also heartbreaking. saw citizen kane at my beloved gft, which of course was brilliantly impressive, as always. plus, chocolate and pretzels make everything better. also, black christmas...eeek.

my afternoons have been spent cafe-ing, which could be why i am going broke. the big blue is overpriced and truly awful. no one wants to be seated after you've just seen your waiter make out with some co worker. plus, two cheesesticks for 3.50 pounds? lololol.

everything at home seems to be going well, i return in about a month, which is crazy. mexican food, ahoy.

i'm quite hungry and would like something warm and cozy to eat. lately, i'm all about the warm and cozy.

also, for fun, this was parked outside of my flat for a couple of days:

there's a noisy cat shoving it's bum in my face...

2009-10-18T08:48:00.002-05:00

well, i'm borrowing some internet from shawlands, so i figured i'd do a little update about the flat.

now, normally this would be a good photo op update, but since my flat isn't completely put together and i have really no decor going on at the moment...you'll have to wait a little while longer. basically when it feels more like a place i live in, rather than a place i pay rent for...god, no tv still. i think i'm going to order one this week, possibly? then movie parties can start. i wish heathie could come...austin living bastard.

so, the flat. not entirely as lovely as i once remembered...but still pretty good. there's an ugly bit of bubbled laminate by the bathroom dorm, the shower fucking sucks...it's really light water- which i hate, the entry hall more so, but also my flat has a bit too many black scuff marks for my liking, those are really the main problems so far. i'm worried the location might be too dodgy, but i think it's actually okay, and has made meetings/drinking in the west end much easier, so i'm happy about that. oh...it's a little too warm at times, which is strange, but will be handy in the cold cold months of winter. cozy me up.

so, yeah...i'm glad to be living in my new wee flat, though it is a bit quiet/boring and lonely so far, so i've tried be out of it as much as possible. and anyone in glasgow can help me do that by going on cafe adventures or to the cinema with me. mostly maura will, she's excellent and we're basically doing a cafe crawl...oh, and a refurbished building pub crawl...ha. cheese.

so, i'm still not unpacked, but i need more hangers to accomplish that.

i'm feeling sleepy lately for no real reason. heavy eyes and it's grey outside today...perfect for naps on a lazy sunday. i wish. i kind of want to go coat shopping or some kind of clothes shopping, despite the fact that i probably shouldn't...but yes, a coat is a need.

saw ferris bueller in the cinema, which was kind of dramatic...also, funny because it hasn't been remastered and they had a old crackly reel, which means it felt like i was watching something from the 1940s, except it was totally eighties rad. also, i finally got to see up since i missed it when it came out in the states. it was really sad and cute, and quite good...except this whole thing with the talking dogs really devalued the quality for the story and such. it just seems like something that would be in a movie that the big companies that compete with pixar would do. i dunno. wall-e, yes.

eurgh, what else? no new poems. i have to submit for workshop this week, scary. i actually have quite a bit of work to do this week...i'm not sure how i'm going to manage it all...so lazy and frozen for new writing. i really want to take more photos again soon...and i really miss baking. also, have totally been craving cinnamon rolls lately...i have a cheap asda cake tin. what if i made a giant cinnamon roll in that? lush. i've never actually made a cinnamon roll, but it can't be too hard?

maybe this week. ah, food. also, i really want to head to cafe nero for the world's best hot chocolate, so maybe i'll do that...

in the meantime, i kind of wish i had a man like tony soprano...or really just james gandolfini.

moooo ve.

2009-10-12T19:48:00.002-05:00

well, some exciting news for once...tomorrow i'm going to sign my lease and then wednesday i'm properly moving into my new flat. i'm quite excited about this, as you know messy boys and cat hair and cumby kitchen counters, and not having closet space and living out of a suitcase, and the kind of not having your own space or being able to do exactly what you like where you live...

well, that's all coming up...and i'm hoping my flat with be just as lovely as i remember it. maybe even slightly more lovely since it'll be all properly cleaned and then when i get my stuff in it. please leave me quality pots and pans and a comfy non stained mattress. i have febreze, flash, bleach, and a mattress protector anyway...but you know. also, a nightstand please. i wonder if i'll have room for a wee bookshelf or something? hello ikea.

i'm going to secretly put a few things up on the walls, i hope they don't get too mad, seeing as that's apparently not allowed. i'll fix it, promise.

anyway, hopefully all good things. it'll be nice being closer to school and the zonecard is working out pretty good. really glad i finally have one. bank accounts and council tax exemptions will be taken care of this week as well or at least started. internet...hm...one of the main problems about moving is no tv (will have to buy one) and no internet...like no internet for three weeks to a month. fucking rubbish. so i will have a nice clean flat and absolutely nothing to do in it, except do actual work...which could be good...but i can only do so much work in the house till it bores me and makes me crawl into bed for a sleep.

photos of it all once i get it a bit sorted. i wish i could have a puppy. i really miss my dog for some reason...who would've thought. ha.

ugh...hooray for things kind of coming together. hopefully the more reading and writing will follow soon. i really miss baking too...i want cinnamon rolls.

i think that's all i really want to say now...the next update you get will either come from the library or a beanscene...

also, the job hunt sucks. not even a fucking call back. pricks.

" " to the max...!

2009-10-04T19:14:00.005-05:00

i'm pretty sleepy right now. and have been all weekend for some reason. ever since i've been in glasgow, i've been having really bizarre vivid dreams. last night i kept waking up and between all the wake ups and strangely real dream segments, like brushing tangly wet hair...i felt like i slept for something like 15 hours...but alas, it was only nine. time is a total trickster in loads of different ways. sigh.

anyway, nothing is going on. i feel like i am eating all the time...and today was another asda adventure day. i think this one was at least more of a success, as proper meal type groceries were bought and not just loads of snacky things. i do enjoy snacks. mmm...and water. i'm thirsty.

classes are mostly a snore so far to be honest. i like workshop, workshops are always very interesting and usually helpful to some degree. the other kind of lit based one kills me each time so far and it's on again tomorrow night. damn. the editing/publication class...i have a feeling it might get more interesting or at least have it's moments. i...i am worred about some kind of project that we have to do for the end of the class...everything is still insanely intimidating at the moment, and i'm not exactly sure when that feeling will go away. and then i overheard some phd first year students (which is the year i get to do next year...) talking about how they have to read like eight books a week. i can't even force myself to make enough time to finish to kill a mockingbird. which, of course, i forgot just how good it actually is. maybe i'll start to fall in love with books and writing again.

a couple of my poems are being workshopped on tuesday. not looking forward to this since i mostly submitted new poems from this summer, since i didn't have time to reedit the better ones of the lot, which were done er...a year ago. damn. i really need to get on the ball of writing at least a poem a week...obviously it should be more than that...but let's start slow, as i have some things to fall back on. urgh.

so...i move in just about a week. joe's room is an utter mess of all my things...and some of this things, but mostly bags filled with bedding and other assorted housewares. i think i just need towels and a drying rack and i'm set for all the essentials. i kind of hope my flat comes with a microwave and some decent pots and pans. anyone know where to get a water filter pitcher in the uk? i've not seen any at all...hm. and i have to buy a tv. that should be fun.

also, saw two films in the cinema: the godfather and toy story in 3d. both excellent, of course. ah, love.

someone recommend a publishing company that i like...

also, this mattress is making my bum sore...i hope my new mattress is comfy...

also, posted more photos on flickr...a lot more. here are a few favorites:

photo fun. nighto xx

so goes life...

2009-09-28T19:34:00.003-05:00

so, i've been meaning to update this thing for the past week...

the past week has been a bit rough. eurgh, i really hate actually typing this out and i think that's why i kind of put it off for a little longer. typing things and seeming them right in front of you makes it more real then when you just hear about it over the phone, you know...but then actually being around it and seeing it with my own eyes...that'll come at christmas.

last tuesday, around 4:30 am texas time, my great grandmother passed away. which is absolutely devastating to me for several reasons, the main one being that i wasn't there to say goodbye or see her or be around my family for it. i couldn't attend the funeral...

when my parents phoned to tell me, i was in the shower getting ready for my first real day of school. when i got out of the shower and checked my voicemail, probably even before that, i knew what they were calling about. and then the phone call and then crying...but then immediately having to get it together to finish getting ready and get to class, which of course i was late for. joe was out of town for days...it was just like...sitting in this bright yellow room alone. it was really horrible and kind of surreal.

i was pretty close to my great grandma, she always told me i was her favorite, even in front of my other cousins. i loved that woman dearly. she is essentially the first person close to me to die, yet i still feel so detached from it all since i'm not actually there to experience it. i don't know. it's a really strange feeling. and you know, i mean. she was 92, she lived a long and mostly good life, and she died peacefully. those things make me happy. and i...i honestly had a feeling when i say her a a week or so before i left to scotland that it would be the last time i saw her...i spent a lot of that visit looking at her and i took a few photos. even though i felt that, i wasn't expecting it to happen so soon...i mean i've only been gone a few weeks.

anyway, that is basically that. this first month in glasgow has been quite...well, quite.

all the school details and other pointless real life junk will be typed out tomorrow or in the next few days...and i'll end with this:

minor steps of progression, but not much.

2009-09-20T18:46:00.006-05:00

so, somethings never change...i'm currently watching fresh prince. i also watched clueless for the first time in a few years...ha.

i'm actually just glad i know how to operate the tv now. living with boys causes many complications, especially if they happen to be geeky boys. there's two xbox 360s and about thirty-four different cords coming from the tv and spreading out all through the living room, along with three different remotes, possibly more.

anyway, the past few days have been semi productive, although there has been a lot of napping. at least i now have most of my housewares for when i move to my own flat. i managed to find a solid black duvet and red sheets- mega plus and i have ultra cute plates and coffee mugs, which of course will all be photographed once i finally move in and get settled. i've already started on some of my class assignments, bought a few school books. redid my resume, retyped and edited a few older poems, uh...i don't think i did much else.

i'm actually quite happy that there is a late night (10pm, which is amazing for the uk) coffee shop right around the corner from this flat. that makes me pretty happy. so tonight i went there to write some postcards and edited some poems. i have a feeling it's going to be quite the challenge to write new material here, i've never really been able to here before. and for some reason i think in my own place it'll be easier than having to here on the couch or in bed, but at the same time i'm so used to having a desk and i won't here. i do most of my writing at a desk...a table isn't the same...and i don't even think there is room in my flat for a desk...but maybe i can work something out? i can't believe i have to buy a tv. boo.

so, yeah, school officially starts tomorrow, though for me it's just more introduction stuff, so really i have class on tuesday. at least workshops should be interesting. the other classes, who knows. pft.

any news to report? i ate 'mexican' food here the other night and it was awful. as predicted. man. i want me some fuzzy's tacos :(

also, i'm pretty sure joeface broke my card reader when he was using to to hack his little handheld gaming thing...now i can't upload some new foties i wanted to...urgh. i'm going to try and get a card reader tomorrow even though i don't really have the money for it...it's okay. i'm going to make joe repay me. anyway...here are some photos from the other weekend when we went for a walk around pollok country park...the cows weren't there :(

there's more on flickr, of course.

anyway, my bum is sore from so much sitting i think. almost time to lie down for sleep.

cha! x

a little change...

2009-09-15T05:53:00.004-05:00

okay, so the blog has changed a little bit...but not much at all.

basically i'm in scotland now and have been since the 3rd, i know i'm lazy/busy with other things actually...anyway, my course is about to start and i have some free time right now, so i thought i'd make the little tweaks and give my first international update.

so now this blog will carry all the charms of an american being in scotland and stressing out over her MFA/being homesick...and anything else you can maybe imagine in this sitcom or made for tv movie situation. my degree will be in creative writing, so you'd expect this blog to be a lot better...but it's not. mostly because i don't actually like writing so much anymore...it really stresses me out, but sometimes in a good way, so i guess that's good enough for me and postponing real life. right? right...

i feel like i have a lot to say, but also at the moment can't be bothered or maybe it's just trivial details and the lot.

so i left for scotland two weeks ago, although it feels like i've been here a lot longer and i think that is because so much of glasgow is familiar to me, as i did some undergraduate work in the town. however, i'm exploring new parts of it, so it's almost like finding new hidden treasures. it's nice to be back, but like so many other things relating to scotland...i'm quite fickle about it. every time before i leave home i always feel like i don't want to leave and then you arrive in this new place and it's totally surreal for a few days. you just kind of feel like you're walking around in a film, and sometimes a film you've seen before.

in terms of the fickle part i'm rooming with scottish mister/ex mister and his cat loving roommate and will be for the next month (will explain). it's really confusing to have all this disdain for someone then to kind of shrug it off by sheer tiredness and then be confronted with them. things have been going really well between us, but not living together as in getting a place of our own is a completely right decision at the moment. and we've had non fighting discussions, which is a total change, but although everything is going alright, it's all just new again and i'm not exactly one to just let things go...so at the moment a break up has been made, though both agreed it's pretty much impossible for us to act that way while we're both living together...so it's strange. it's like i'm not technically in a couple, but i am...at least until i move out. i'm pretty sure i went out on a date last night....haha.

i think moving out will make the trial break up seem a lot more real and then we both will see how we feel. you know, i'm infamous for giving out multiple chances, but if i'm going to allow one this time, it really needs something more dramatic, so if he can get a new job and learn respect and to control a temper, then we'll see...but i think space, but living in the same town might help him want to sort things out...but you know, i've never been the optimist. no matter what though we've agreed to be pals. so i'm happy about that.

anyway, that's all the relationship drama/stress...which actually hasn't been too stressful since i arrived. what has been is running around all parts of the city for school and flathunting. i settled on the 4th flat i viewed. i really think i'm going to love it. i just stood in the living room and thought i could see myself being here, so that was the deal sealer. it's not available until october, which means transporting to school is going to be a costly bitch, but eventually worth it. it has a nice kitchen, big fluffy leather couches...i'm excited. i just wish scotland had a better homewares selection...it's awful.

also, loan drama because well, i don't know. glasgow uni seems to wait till the very end to get something done. on the plus side, glasgow uni is actually quite a gorgeous school...which makes me smile. my course induction thing begins tonight, so i'll be seeing everyone in the program...i'm pretty scared. we had to submit a bio for it...which was also scary.

so it seems things are coming together in their own little way. which helps ease the stress until all the reading and writing hit...urgh. i kind of don't know what i got myself into here...

anyway, other than all that it's just been wine and new food and lots of walking. a couple of movies (i can't believe the gft raised it's tickets by two pounds!), already a little too much shopping, coffee shops, sleeping, not seeing highland coos, watching my first full football game, seeing some old friends, and some general morning laziness.

so all in all, pretty okay. *phew*

2009-09-01T13:36:00.002-05:00

no real update, except this:

ciao, i'm off to scotland...wish me all the luck ever.

x

buh.

2009-08-31T03:18:00.003-05:00

so...begins an entire day of packing and worrying and organizing and eating and not sleeping and saying goodbyes and dreading tuesday...only to basically go through the same things to dread wednesday...

i'm a bit of a mess and anything anyone would even attempt to say can't and won't make me feel any better...there's this huge knot in the left side of my stomach that's poking into my ribs, to let me know this could all very likely be a huge mistake and i'm going to completely fail at school and real life antics.

hm. luckily i'm dead tired from last night and this morning and still feeling a bit sick...otherwise, much needed sleep would not happen.

also, glasgow uni...fucking get it together and let me know if you're accepting my loan before i actually fly over there...thanks.

a real post tomorrow. maybe. urgh.

x

headachey and blurry eyed.

2009-08-21T01:30:00.005-05:00

pft. what to say.

i drank too much wine tonight and feel a little sick. not sure woofing down a bagel and baked lays really helped, but i hadn't eaten in about ten hours...sans, some popcorn which almost made me feel ill automatically. popcorn should never be eaten on a totally empty stomach.

so, the rest of my san antonio trip went well. i didn't want to leave. there was a horrible toilet overflowing accident caused by my cousin, which was man...it was the upstairs toilet and it leaked all through the ceiling in like two different rooms. awful. my poor grandparents. but other than that and some drama with my aunt, things were all good. i did far too much shopping though, whoops. i did buy some little mexican art things to decorate my whatever i live in when i get to scotland. you know, so i can be reminded of home i suppose. haha. photos soon.

also...people, mostly boys confuse the fuck out of me...and that's all i really need to say about that. ridiculous crybabies.

urgh...i'm really sleepy and thinking about buying a halloween costume that i don't need...

i totally just kind of blanked out a bit, so this isn't a real entry.

anyway, packing is a bitch and i don't want to go to scotland anymore. however, the one upside is that i get to have one of those 'new start' kind of things. i know i've been to the city before, but it's still like...new school, new life step. and this summer has really been a lot of 'out with the old' you in a way i'm looking forward for the 'in with the new' but only if the new is going to be okay. please let me be picked up at the airport and please let me have a place to stay and then please let me find a decent place to stay. no mushrooms growing in the bathroom, please...

tomorrow i'm baking a cake and getting my first leica roll developed.

my room is a mess.

urgh.

arrival details and camera swooning.

2009-08-15T12:01:00.004-05:00

well, i'm currently in san antonio, which is a place i love to be.

it always involves just kind of sitting around and doing some kind of eating and or drinking. the first thing i spotted when i entered my memere's house was the multiple cases of bottled mexican coke. very excellent...and they always have really good cheese, which might be an odd thing to say...but they do. of course wine at night and coffee and croissants in the morning.

being here almost feels like i'm in a cozy b and b. i even get cameras on loan for the vacation.

my pepere has loaned me his ever sexy leica m6 for the next few days. it's so gorgeous. i'm having a bit of a problem with the focus, but i'll get the hang of it eventually, which will come in handy for when finally get mine. this camera feels amazing though, it's worth a few more poems. on the even more positive side of things my pepere has given me his contax st, zeiss lens included. the shutter and rewind button are insanely loud, which at the moment i kinda like...if i was in the vatican...maybe not so much. anyway, i'm excited to use it. one of the good things about going to scotland soon is that i'll have new things to photograph. i can only take so many photos in my backyard. and no one i know wants their photos taken.

my cousin colin is a beast...and i'm happy he was wii sports resort. so i've been playing that, it's painfully cute. still, he won't go to his house and get smash bothers or buy katamari for the xbox. he shot a cherry off the top of a coke bottle. and after drinking most of a venti green tea frappuccino in about five minutes he proclaimed it was a 'man's drink' shaking his fist in the air. highly questionable.

rufus has been fed a million times.

last night i had a hot date with heath. we went to some overpriced not very good mexican restaurant and had coffee afterwards. i'm sending good luck vibes to him today for the jean shopping and a party he's attending tonight.

so, lately there's been a lot of mega stress about grad school and i'm having second doubts about going. it just seems like the program might not be what i'm looking for exactly, but who knows...things usually sound worse than they are on paper. so that, and the stress about living and getting over there and leaving whatever i have here...it just seems like moving to san antonio and focusing on a photography business would be a better option. it's something i'd probably enjoy doing more. i know for sure i prefer photos to poems. and i'm planning on moving to san antonio after i'm done with graduate school anyway...so i just feel like graduate school will be postponing what i'll be doing two years down the line, then i might as well do it now...?

i dunno, anyway, i was kinda bitching about it all to heath last night and he just basically just said that if i'm going to go to graduate school that now is really the time to do it. and that seemed to make sense to me, and instantly made me feel slightly better...though still stressed out. he was talking about getting settled in a job and traveling and stuff...and so maybe in that aspect it seems right...and hopefully won't be a complete waste. i had a table at pappadeaux tell me that going back for another degree is never a wasteful thing and they were really confused on why i thought more education would ever be a waste...which...sounds good to me in theory at least...

anyway, i hope i'm not making a mistake.

also, it's the 15...which means it's my daddyo's birthday. so happy birthday to him!

also, new photos on flickr to follow soon.

x

2009-08-09T01:51:00.002-05:00

yay tipsy and stuffing my face full of random food i'm picking up on the counters, fridge, and pantry...

it's been a strange last few days. i miss things how there were a couple of years ago and such...

i dunno. boys are confusing and i've drank more beer than i would've liked to. it's supposed to be wine season, but i feel pretentious drinking wine at a bar...

anyway, urgh.

tick tock, tick tock.

2009-08-06T14:16:00.005-05:00

another afternoon, another episode of wife swap.

i'm awaiting a packing from the ups man...i don't think it's really necessary for me to have to sign off for a pair of shoes, but because of this i'm on the 'final attempt' for a package delivery. if he's not here in the next eight minutes i might be fucked. hm.

remember when i said i'd have something interesting to say soon? well i don't. except on monday i made some key lime cupcakes and they turned out very tasty. they are topped with cream cheese frosting, which i finally got right and sprinkled with graham cracker.

other than that, dental problems. while i was flossing i loosened some bonding between my front two teeth, so i got that fixed yesterday...it took two hours for no real reason. apparently red converse make me look pretty young, though i don't understand this.

my bellybutton is quite sore these days. i have a check up with the doctor next week. i'm hoping my bandages fall off before then. i wanna see my scars. and because my bellybutton is still sore i can't sleep on my side which is killing me. its pretty hard to fall asleep these days. i think i'm going to try and go back to the red wine to help out with this. though it didn't really help last night...of course i only had one coffee mug about half/three fourths full.

the plus side to have been feeling sick and kinda miserable all summer is that i've lost between 7-10 pounds. i've even been eating like a pig lately. so, now i can fit into my smallest sized jeans i bought while in the uk that i haven't been able to wear in over a year. toward the end of being in scotland i couldn't even fit into them. so, party times. liz, let's go bar hopping/dancing. i'll get the first round.

registration for classes and all this uni stuff is really confusing me. i have a feeling it's only going to get worse when i arrive. i'm thinking the first month or so is going to kill me in multiple ways. i'm not too excited anymore. though no matter how things were there i always feel like i don't want to leave home when it's getting close for me to...i like home, i like texas, i like my car, i like having variety in what i'm going to be eating...

at least the weather will be cooler. i've been doing too much shopping lately. very bad...yet still a little more to come, but not too much more...

what can i say. i'm a girl.

a girl who needs a shower, but is still waiting for the ups man.

i scream for ice cream.

2009-08-02T23:58:00.003-05:00

so i was looking at photos on flickr and discovered that glasgow finally has an ice cream shop and it's located pretty close to uni.

that makes me happy, very happy. it's just like marble slab and cold stone creamery...apparently the cold stone is a huge deal in the uk, as its apparently the first shop there to have it. haha...man. anyway, i should try and get a job there since i have ice cream slab experience. oh yeah.

anyway, that is what inspired this blog post, sad i know. but it's all about the little things these days. trust me.

today like most of the this week has been dull, i basically just sit on the couch and watch tv. venture outside to chat with my mom on her cigarette outings. i've been reading some bukowski poems (wine/women) because i said i would make an effort and read/attempt a poem tonight, but its midnight and i don't think that's going to happen.

i'm recovering well now, as i wasn't for a while...so this week will be a lot like normal weeks. i think i even get to drive. whoopie.

two movies and now roseanne.

i think i'm going for cookies and milk soon.

i'm going to try hard to have a semi interesting blog post soon. i promise, kids.

x

hot patootie!

2009-07-29T01:48:00.001-05:00

this is how surgery went...

2009-07-25T21:23:00.002-05:00

so all these casual mentions of doctor's appointments or feeling ill has usually been due to the fact that i have (now had) a very large single gallstone and it was suggested that i get the whole gallbladder removed, otherwise more stones will develop and i'm sorry...no way in hell would i ever have surgery in scotland. not even if it was like emergency surgery that i needed within the hour. no.

so, after waiting almost a month for the consultation i finally got the ole gallbladder removed yesterday (friday) morning. the good thing is i was able to get the surgery done in southlake at a really nice clean hospital, which made the whole process a little easier. all i really remember is having to change into a horrible hospital gown, they then put these surgical stockings on me and little brown bootie socks. oh, and i had to do the ever fun pee in a cup thing. at least i'm not pregnant.

over and over again they asked me how to spell my name, my birth date, and what medications i'm allergic to...

iv goes in and after the anesthesiologist comes in i shortly fall asleep, only to wake up with insanely blurred vision, a hoarse/dry throat, and i'm moving like a weeble wobble and for some reason burping after every sip of water, which naturally i apologize for, repeatedly.

my worst fear was waking up during the surgery, and i didn't so lovely. i dunno. i'm currently in a lot of pain, which i kinda feel like a baby for cos pretty much everyone i've talked to has known someone who's had their gallbladder out. it's a fairly short surgery, thus probably not too big of a deal? i dunno.

yesterday i mostly slept from when i got home, i couldn't walk too tell and my head would feel heavy with waves of nausea overcoming me with pretty much any movement. today the harder drugs have worn off which is why my stomach feels a lot more sore than it did yesterday. very painful...especially when this happens:

i'm allergic to codeine, and i repeated that over and over again...and the doctor decides to give me a painkiller that has traces of codeine in it...not warning us...so, luckily i didn't break out in hives, but my eyes are insanely itchy, as is the rest of my skin and my face is bright bright red, despite me having no fever. so, all this drama to get a new pill cos the doctor takes hours to prescribe something new...

but i finally get it...and it made me fall asleep pretty quickly.

i'm still itchy and insanely sore. i wish i had more morphine, cos that seems to do the trick. my voice keeps cutting in and out...

blah. basically no fun. i'm back on the mango sorbet, although i did have some egg drop soup and will probably attempt to eat something else later.

my memere and pepere sent me this huge beautiful vase of flowers. they smell so lovely.

also, around 2:30 on friday morning, my dad's uncle passed away, the funeral is tomorrow, so obviously i cannot go. my dad and mom have pretty much been taking care of him for the past year...so it's one of those things you expect, but still hurts when it happens. he was just basically disappearing, losing a two to three pounds a night and such...still joking toward the end. i went to see him about two weeks before his death. at least he's not suffering, because i believe he was suffering for a long long time. i'll always just remember him wanting to watch his vintage warner bros cartoons. he absolutely adored bugs bunny.

what else...my last day of work was thursday. which i'm totally bummed out about too.

it's been a rough week/start to the weekend...

so, i got about a month left in texas...i want something good to happen before i leave...and for good things to happen upon arrival...please.

thanks.

this is not a real update.

2009-07-17T02:58:00.002-05:00

okay, i'm tired. it's the heat and the fact that i've been waiting over the course of hours for flickr to finish uploading photos. i'm just about done then i'm heading to bed.

just wanted to say...you know if you're curious or bored and want to check out some of my first wedding shoot photos- well, you're in luck because they are now on flickr- click the link on my sidebar ----->

and then once on flickr look for another link in the sidebar that says 'my first wedding shoot' and stare all you want.

that's basically all i wanted to say.

also, i ordered some boots for winter...and i hope they come in tomorrow and i hope they are as sexy as they looked online. in other news...nothing. another doctor's appointment, this one was pointless, the next one won't be.

i like catfish now. so if you ever want to go and eat some, i'm game.

i'm worried about my dad.

bruno wasn't really that good...i hope harry potter is.

i'm really thirsty all the time these days...i dunno why.

and i was so going to say something else...then totally lost it.

such is my life. cha.

let's play catch up.

2009-07-08T01:02:00.005-05:00

well, the last week has been quite stressful, cos not only was there one problem with my visa, but what i sent to correct it wasn't right and the problem still existed, plus i was on a deadline to fix it and with the 4th of july weekend...pft.

anyway, all in the past, the very recent past...as i found out monday while baking cupcakes. cupcakes tend to soften the blow...so you know...so, i'm now officially set to head back to scotland on september 1st. and that's all i really know about that. no class or living information. urgh, i'm not looking forward to packing and sorting out a living spot.

what else? my very first wedding shoot was on friday. the couple was very cute and seemed extremely nice. i didn't talk to them a whole bunch, as they seemed busy and i tried to stay out of the way. i took like 1200 shots, still going through a lot of them. the best ones will be up on my flickr sometime this week. anyway, it went well, i feel like i got some good shots, although the lighting was hard to work with and i need a new lens, maybe some more practice with my flash. of course it was my first time using a bounce flash. also, they gave me 100 dollar tip! which was insanely nice of them, since i opted to do it for free.

there was this really cute moment where she sang to him (nice pipes i might add) and he got all shy cos some of the members told him to rap to her (apparently he's a christian rapper) and then he rapped her a cute little ditty. aw, weddings!

later that night i headed to denton for jamie's birthday and ashley's pal alex's going away party. that was good, we watched some mj videos and i got a video of ashley attempting a dance move from the bad video which is pretty classic. talked about the twilight zone and old movies. i miss talking about films with people so that was good. shame i fell in the mud...it was slick and i was tipsy...but mostly it was slick! i swear.

the 4th is my aunt's birthday, so i decided to drive to my grandparent's house from denton around 5:15 in the morning. it was a really really good drive. early dawn, real blue, purple and pink. i do love the texas skies. plus, i had my mj mix i made that night, windows rolled down and lots of bad singing and dancing. i had a good time. i think everyone should do this. it might be better alone, but i'm willing to share the experience if you want it.

4th was dull and i was tired from lack of sleep anyway. ate chicken, NOT steak, yeah that's right. and saw some fireworks in denton. i do love fireworks, but no one does them like disneyworld.

sunday, work. actually a really good day at work...well, i mean the money was okay (70) and it wasn't too busy, but i guess i was just in a good mood. i like the people that work sundays. apparently i looked like a ladybug. someone owes me a vespa shit/vespa, i learned a kinda secret handshake, threw wine, got sprite sprayed at me and ice thrown. got a 20 dollar tip and a 'wow' report, oh...and man...i dunno girls, if you've ever worn a tie and had a guy like pull you in toward him by it and then like stare at you, raised eyebrow...well, it's pretty sexy/hilarious. just throwing that out there...

also, i had my first 'after work beer' and actually that first beer after work did taste pretty good and i don't even really like beer. i feel so adult. oh, and one of the kitchen managers told me i age well cos he didn't think i was drinking age. bonus. i still wanna be 17 and still kinda act like it.

monday...visas and cupcakes. i made cherry garcia cupcakes. aren't they cute?

i felt really ill last night and it kinda fucked with my sleep. urgh. medicine didn't help either. anyway, at least i got to sleep in.

today has been a bit somber because of the mj memorial. it was pretty touching and i dunno, it makes everything a little more final and realistic. hearing his daughter speak and his brother sing smile, man...watery eyes. i've been pretty shocked and sad about the whole thing. anyway, i saw this on youtube tonight and i thought it was tragic, but also very adorable. it's not too long, i suggest you watch it.

anyway, bedtime. double shift. let's hope i make more than 13 bucks this time...urgh.

x

i blame it on the boogie.

2009-07-01T23:30:00.003-05:00

well, it's been a little hectic lately and at the same time absolutely nothing is going on.

this is usually my life, of course, but you know...sometimes the hectic outweighs the nothing...

last week i went to get my fingerprints and face scanned for my visa, sent that off, only to get an email back from them today stating that everything is fine, except the bank letter i submitted doesn't have my name on it (even though it's written on behalf of my dad) i'm a little confused on it...anyway, just added a line about him being the 'father of' and hopefully that will work? who knows, they word things so odd and aren't there to really help...anyway, that was sent off this afternoon, because it has to be sent off in four working days, otherwise i'm denied! yikes. let's hope this all goes smoothly.

two doctor's appointments last week...i'm slowly going through all the junk in my room. i just threw away a bunch of notes from middle school/freshman year of high school. i only read a few...man. odd. anyway, i'm filling up large black trash bags, work...work who is constantly hiring new people still, and i'm making like 30 bucks a shift if i'm lucky. my last table saved me tonight with a 15 dollar tip, thank fuck.

anyway, still very unsure about my living situation in scotland because i can't count on anyone to ever come through for me ever...which goes for just about everyone i've met, sans a couple of people. i've been watching a lot of news ( mostly mj related) and michael jackson videos. haha, i hung out with ashley and we had a little mj party watching the videos and eating pizza...hehe.

i don't really know what else? i'm very tired lately and i'm not entirely sure why? well, maybe i am.

still doing no reading or writing really. me and rufus are pretty good buddies these days.

also, on a totally unrelated note, everyone at work has kids or is having kids. since i've worked there (3 1/2 months?) three guys' girlfriend/wife had a kid/is due any day, two girls are pregnant and working...and a i'd say a 3-5 have had a kid in the last year or two...and if not...then they already have kids...it's insane!

also, the high fives were out of control, so out of control that bumping elbows and foreheads happened. i eat ice cubes and one of the loud screaming managers got fired...hoho! remember in a previous entry i mentioned someone made her cry? yeah her..i feel a little bad cos she was nice enough to change my schedule...and i have my own spot at work. it's been decided.

this entry is long.

anyway, tomorrow someone is covering my shift and i'm going to make thursday productive. i'm going to do the following, in no order:*maybe

dust my room
take defensive driving
reorganize my sweaters/purses
*unpack coffee mugs/a few other boxes from the apartment
pay off my victoria's secret bill
find out the location of a wedding...
*make cupcakes
learn how to use my flash/read about wedding photography.

this friday is my very first wedding shoot...i'm insanely nervous about it. i hope the shots turn out okay...and i hope i can use my flash alright...and i hope they don't get mad about me kinda being in the way to take photos? i'm very scared.

anyway, i think after the wedding friday i'll nap and then head to denton for two wee parties. i'm afraid to drink a lot lately in case i get sick though...hm. anyway, let's stay positive.

visa please come through!

well, i for one, am pretty sad about his death.

2009-06-25T22:11:00.003-05:00

well, everyone has their michael jackson stories...and like most of the people i know there was that age when they went through their so called 'michael jackson phase'...he literally was all i would listen to and i'd spend hours dancing and singing around in my tiny little room to all his cassette tapes, mostly bad and dangerous. i think there's a very embarrassing video of a fat child clogg dancing and singing while wearing a fedora somewhere...

i remember watching a taped version of his live concert in budapest over and over again, thinking the one girl who gets pulled up to the stage was the luckiest. and man, anyone remember when albertson's was scaggs alpha beta (scaggs might be mispelled there...) anyway, i used to rent a lot of tapes there, mostly the last unicorn and michael jackson's moonwalker. thriller used to scare me...mostly when vincent price does the voice over...i had the sega game, well i still do. my aunt used to talk about him long before gambling...

anyway, the man was an absolute legend, like a ridiculously undeniable legend...and yeah, odd, really odd, but you know...genius and the abusive/lonely childhood and like a million other things...i feel bad for him. and more than half the media is being pretty fucking horrible about it, which is ridiculous...i like literally heard on the radio about how people forgot him and he's a hasben with no fans...they were talking like he hadn't had a hit since the jackson five...cos he hasn't had new music in a while...i dunno...if you have the the greatest selling album of all time, there's no way anyone is ever going to forget about you...especially with all the tabloid stories and such...i dunno. i mean, 50 sell out shows in london...and numerous college hipsters trying to recreate the thriller dance...i mean...i'm not going to pretend to not be creeped out by a lot of his later actions or anything, but still...

total legend, this is definitely a very very tragic day, insanely shocking. a little piece of my childhood...and probably my favorite...

the boy has got the moves.

rest in peace, king of pop.

xx

happy birthday to me...

2009-06-19T00:15:00.000-05:00

yeah, i'm 23 now.

happy fuckin' birthday.

*sighs*

girlie post...

2009-06-16T00:13:00.002-05:00

well, my birthday is on friday and since i work tuesday, wednesday and thursday night my dad leaves for louisiana to gamble with his dad for father's day we were going to celebrate my birthday with dinner tonight. unfortunately my dad's blood sugar crashed, which is happening far too often these days...so me and the madre went out for a dinner and we'll all go out as planned next monday.

anyway, i still got my birthday presents early...which i already knew what they were...but i'm happy about them anyway. whee. a super cute betsy johnson leopard print/black bow earring and necklace set, a martha stewart cupcake carrying case with three cupcake pans- including a red silicone one! and some cash.

oh yeah! can you just imagine me on the bus in my little skirt n tights all bundled up next to screaming weans and junkies carrying my two dozen cupcakes around town? cos i can.

plus, tomorrow is the start of victoria's secret semi annual sale. i've been excited about this for months. cha-ching!

it starts at 7am since i'm a special angels cardholder. i guess i should rest up. eeee! :)

xx

phenomenal cosmic powers, itty bitty living space.

2009-06-13T22:39:00.004-05:00

right kids, well...this week has not been a pleasant one.

since monday night i've been infected with a stomach virus and have basically been dying all week. i'll spare you the awful sick details. i didn't eat much, lost five pounds in three days, which sadly is already starting to come back since i'm eating something other than mango sorbet.

i had chick fil a as my first proper meal...haha! it was pretty good but i couldn't even finish all that. hopefully this week of being sick will help me in portion control. i gotta try and look a little more decent for this photo shoot i have in roughly a month. yeah, i care, shut up.

anyway, week of hell and then additional crazy texas storms with you know two four/five hour power outages at night with a high fever while trying to sleep, yeah...no good. also that storm was crazy loud and bright, i thought my windows were going to break.

anyway, i've been couped up all week in the house and the first time i get to leave is to head to work tomorrow. let's see how many menu item abbreviations i've already forgotten! woo. i'm not looking forward to it.

i'm amazingly bored these days and not very productive. i did fill out my visa application and in like two weeks i have to go to some secret place to get my face and fingerprints scanned...very creepy. i'm pretty scared about all this...i also watched all today mind you, hush hush sweet charlotte, charlie and the chocolate factory, aladdin, and revenge of the nerds...how's that for rest! i also finished a long book of poetry (which i didn't like at first and wasn't planning on finishing) and am about ten pages into satori in paris...

aladdin was a great trip down memory lane. ah, childhood.

i think that's all i have except i'm getting into making shaved ice...and trying to get to bed at decent time and waking up at one too.

a lot of thinking about planning things out in the next few months, mostly in terms of where the fuck i'm going to live and how to do that. i'm a little paranoid about how my schedule for school is going to be. i have no idea what kind of classes i'll be expected to be taking and glasgow uni isn't saying much.

oh, and my birthday is on friday. i'm goinig to be 23...23 and living with my parents and still acting like a very mild 17 year old and i don't know if that's going to change. mostly in terms of a good job ever...i'm a little worried, but i'll try not to dwell at the moment.

it is midnight afterall and i have work tomorrow.

x

who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind?

2009-06-05T00:29:00.002-05:00

bad with money.

2009-06-01T02:01:00.002-05:00

somehow over the past few weeks or maybe even month or two, i've lost a lot of money on various things. i'm pretty broke now...hopefully since its my birthday soon i'll make a little dough...but man.

i'm trying not to spend my work money on a lot of things, as i'm trying to save up, but jesus.

also, it doesn't help that i made negative seven bucks for my afternoon/evening shift because i lost a hundred dollar bill, which was essentially all my tip money...fuck life. what a bad night. at least i didn't lose all my money, cos then i would've owed 122 bucks of my own entirely.

urgh. fuck fuck fuck.

so, the summertime.

2009-05-22T13:39:00.003-05:00

so i should be packing up my room as i'm officially moving out next friday, but instead i ate too much taco bueno and am now watching roseanne and obviously wasting time via the internet...

i'm not really looking forward to moving out and back in with the rentals. nothing against them, anyone who knows me knows i adore my folks and i will be closer to work, which i'm hating more and more with each shift...it's just i'll be back at home and pretty lonely. all of few friends i have here except a cute married couple reside in ole denton and all the friends i'd like to see are too far.

i dunno, i don't like the fact that if i go and sneek out of my room for water and pretzels i'll probably wake my parents up and send roofie a barkin' it's just little things like that. i won't be able to have my room messy and such.

it does however mean summer is coming and i'm that much closer to leaving the country for graduate school. so me and ex mister are predictably a couple yet again. it was nice to have him around and talk a lot of things out. the talking wasn't really pretty, although that was expected. i don't wanna get too optimistic, because i've been through all of this before. and when we're apart things don't work as well as they could, but i'm also scared cos things don't seem to work as well in scotland as they do in texas...so there's that element of worry. i dunno, it's another risk to take. the living together thing will come later, but on the plus side it looks like i won't be staying in a dorm either way and that makes this cat pretty happy.

plus gft screenings and hot chocolate milanos. yes please. anyway, now that things are okay between us it makes going back to scotland a little easier, so now i can kinda relax for a bit and just be a little excited about it, cos i haven't had that chance to do that yet.

hm...heathie is coming home this weekend and that makes me pretty happy. i got off saturday night too. so, lovely.

yesterday work was total hell. there was a cunty manager on the floor who mega checks everything and was on my case despite the kitchen being late on three of my orders and my tables getting upset about this...also, i was there for two hours longer than my normal shift and still only made 16 dollars all day. ten to four and i made 16 dollars in tips...are you fucking kidding me? woof.

oh, and my first wedding shoot got cancelled, which i'm actually pretty happy about because i don't think i'm ready for it anyway. so my next and only one is at the start of july, with a couples portrait wedding thing in like mid june or something. i might be getting some shots taken of me though...which will be funny.

there's a lot of noise going on in my living room right now. it's pretty annoying...hm. time to pack! :D

sexy hilarious excellence.

2009-05-18T01:05:00.001-05:00

it's a cherry with a moustache wearing a sombrero...it's cherry garcia!

2009-04-30T00:38:00.004-05:00

well, i'm not entirely sure where to start...

basically i might be the biggest idiot or sap or good friend or i dunno...i'm thinking probably pretty stupid...but you know...i used some cash to have an emergency session with the ex mister, so he's just left to go to the airport and i'll be picking him up from the airport around seven pm.

i'll be the first to admit this all sounds insane and pretty extreme, just to talk things over and try and see where we stand, long distance is hard and it's even harder to communicate problems and what should be done and how you really feel etc when you have broken non specific communication...it's also a lot easier to ignore problems. and i'm not willing to lose another friend so easily, i've already lost a fair few...so, we'll give it another try and lots of communication and talks and who knows what else. i don't know what this is going to lead to or how it will go. i'm pretty nervous and unsure of exactly what all i'm going to say.

i want this to go over adult like and nothing better get broken in my apartment.

anyway, that's essentially the only non work related news i got...

earlier in the week i was completely happy about a server making a manager cry. she's a bit of a devil woman sometimes....turns out he got fired for it...which is a damn shame cos he was pretty nice.

today was double shift day and for a double shift it was pretty easy. i think total today i had like ten tables or so all day. i made only 60 bucks. pft. last double was 140. the people there are kind of amusing in their own strange way. i'm kind of surprised how nice a lot of people are. i mean, some are pretty uptight, but a lot are pretty friendly and i wasn't expecting it. so, i'm talking a little more, still the shy one. and today a couple more people found out i drink and were again really shocked...i don't understand that at all.

a lot of the workers are pretty pervy, i stayed after work and listened to their conversations about celebrity woman and masturbation...and films. of course it was a mistake to try and bring marcello into the conversation. people there are kind of touchy for no reason and it kinda freaks me out. today i got told i have soft hands though, which is always nice to hear...and reassurance since i thought they were dry lately from work and handwashing and fucking trays burning the fuck of my fingers...

i got to come home for a two hour break. the weather is all grey outside. i got some people to take over my shifts...oh, that's another thing...word spreads around there like crazy. i don't even know how but everyone at work knows an ex boyfriend is coming to see me and all made their 'oooo' and comments like i was naughty for it and then told me it's not going to work and wanted to know why it didn't work and...literally have no clue how this started at all. i think it has something to do with when i was in training i got asked if i had a boyfriend and i said well kinda...technically no, but we're working on things...and then someone today asked why i am looking for people to cover so many of my shifts 'someone is coming to visit me...' 'oh...oh...is it yo man?' i guess my confused blushy face let that one out...still...gossiping boys. at least i got a strawberry as a present tonight.

early morning again tomorrow. tomorrow will probably be really surreal and strange and awkward. i wish i wasn't so awkward...i don't know how people arent...i'm jealous.

my eyes are tired. i'm going on three hours of sleep. i kinda wanted to paint my toenails now i'm too sleepy.

stupid blog.

xx

r.i.p. bea arthur.

2009-04-25T23:25:00.003-05:00

ah, this lady is a total class act legend. she's my hero. i'm insanely sad.

grumbly times.

2009-04-20T14:41:00.002-05:00

currently out of the shower and watching maury before getting ready for work etc...

that's essentially how all my work days go, unless i happen to be working a morning shift. again, like i said, all i really have is work updates, and if not...bitchy rants or shopping wants...we'll get to those in a second.

so technically i've worked five shifts already. one was cut short and my saturday night shift was a total rip off- i made like 50 bucks...when i should be making like 150...200...brilliant. i'm coming to discover that it appears that a lot of tables come in for an expensive meal and then don't really feel like tipping after dropping 75 bucks for food and drink...thanks guys.

also, the policy where i work is basically do anything for the customers, even if it makes no sense...so when it's eight at night and you're eating, it's what i like to call dinner...so when you order something to eat and then complain that it's seven dollars more than what you ordered and so you think i got it wrong, well sure let me get the manager...at eight at night you should not be able to get lunch prices, especially if you don't clarify you want a lunch portion...and you're not a senior citizen...

fucking daft bitch. she got the price changed and stil left me no tip. cheapskates, lemme tell you, kids...i don't like them.

oi, i'm already tired of work. it does make time go by a bit faster though and i could use the money about now.

i've had two speeding tickets in the past month and half...brilliant. also, as mentioned i'd like to go somewhere soon, i'm trying to talk leslie into something, but who knows. i wanna travel and take photos, that's not too much to ask for, really....is it?

also, i'll need money for a ticket to see liz eventually (hoho!) and then of course i'll need money to live in scotland...which should be a blast to find a job in. man, i better be making millions...

scotland is pissing me off lately. a lot. mostly just this living situation...i just don't understand at all why i cannot stay one semester in a dorm. really don't want to be 23 and living in a dorm...but man. looks like that's gonna be the situation because everyone almost everyone i talk to these days is self absorbed and disappointing. woo!

this is why i want/need new friends. anyway, i'm trying to think happy thoughts of scotland like the gft and hot chocolate milanos and walking down city streets in a cute peacoat and hat, but i dunno...i don't think that's enough right now.

also, i keep forgetting i'm going for graduate school...i'm not even writing or reading...fuck.

on the writing note a poem and photo is being published in the nt review. so, that's okay i suppose...

i really want to go back to italy...someone take me.

tomorrow is my day off and i'm going to spend it looking for some new earrings and spending my victoria's secret gift card...i might get a frappo and read...i should start reading, i'm getting dumber.

man, remember letters...i should write one of those too.

x

2009-04-17T02:44:00.001-05:00

woooooooooo!

one of those days.

2009-04-13T17:51:00.000-05:00

stepho is too dumb to be a waitress.

2009-04-10T00:45:00.002-05:00

pft. my feet hurt already.

socially i have nothing interesting to say. so far this week i've just slept in late (thank fuck) and then went to work...come back and eat dinner then just hang around on my laptop...

very interesting, i know.

today was my first following shift, very scary. i think it actually went okay for the most part, except the one out of two times i had to put an order in i messed up and put in for shrimp etouffee instead of crawfish etouffee. what a dummy :(

anyway, training is a disaster. i basically just feel like i'm constantly in everyone's way and/or constantly doing something wrong...it's a a little fun...i hope i pass training.

anyway, i mostly just shadowed my trainer who was pretty nice and very exact on everything he was teaching me, which was pretty helpful. i'm just nervous all the time. i had like 8 people talk about my tie tonight...i didn't think it was that bad...it just has flowers on it...girls liked it. some guy told me not to wear it again and i'll be fine. i dunno.

i did better at carrying trays tonight. beverage trays are pretty scary. still didn't carry a lot, and tomorrow is pure food running night for me. i think this is going to be pretty fucking hard...everyone wish me all the luck.

a lot of the tables were really nice to me. i guess everyone feels bad for a trainer. i got the don't worry you're doing fine and you'll be a good waitress stuff....which is nice to hear cos i'm freaking out all the time there. it's ridiculous....i saw the manager do a black sock check today...and i got busted for not having a 100% cotton shirt...

urgh.

a table of three guys combined had about 18 pounds of crawfish and 12 beers. intense. they were almost there for my whole shift.

so much stuff to memorize. my brain hasn't worked in a long time. it's like a million flash cards plus procedures...

lots of running around for what seems to be like no reason...and my trainer said it wasn't even busy...so dead.

sorry, job updates are all i have in life...

2009-04-08T00:06:00.002-05:00

week of hell, kids. i'm telling you.

i dunno if i'm going to make it through training...i'm pretty rubbish at carrying trays. hopefully it'll get better. my arms are pretty weak though...pft. i wanna keep this job, i think. eeek.

also, i hate having to wear my hair up at work...i look like a little boy...a little boy with a jumbo face.

also, my period is supposed to start soon. fun times. also, someone should get paid to remind me to take my birth control.

is that okay to say? sure it is.

what else? mister is for sure no longer a mister and we're not on speaking terms. i hope he doesn't destroy my toast shirt.

i'm thinking about having some coffee ice cream. the golden girls are on, oh yeah.

uh...i'm bored and should be studying those damn work flashcards, but fuck it. will do some before work tomorrow, maybe.

i keep meaning to take a photo of them...

glasgow uni accommodation office is a fucking waste. i kinda despise them. a lot.

lalala. someone tell me something good, someone...please.

would you like to add oysters to that?

2009-04-03T00:07:00.003-05:00

well, break out the confetti kids. little miss me has got herself a job...i guess the hacking really did win them over.

so, you're looking at the new waitress for pappadeaux's seafood kitchen.

i...okay. i'm really happy i managed to get a job, especially since my mom told me not to go to my interview to stay home and rest. my medicine isn't working or just hasn't kicked in yet...so, i went and waited. my interview was fairly short and she just said she's going to offer me a position...shocking. very shocking, considering my voice is fucked, i kept having to turn my head to cough and when i wasn't coughing i was trying to get my bangs in order.

she had a very firm handshake which made me all the more nervous. the good thing is, obviously she knows i have no prior waitressing experience and she said not to worry about carrying things and all that, that you get used to it and it'll be fine. i hope it really is, because i'm pretty worried about that.

anyway, waitressing isn't exactly ideal, but if i wanted to waitress for anywhere pappadeaux's would deffo be my top pick, so i'm actually a little happy about it once all the nerves are out. i'm quite worried about all these shift tests i apparently will have to be taking...since it's a nice place i think they want the staff pretty with it...i hope i can do it. i have gotten dumber. anyway, orientation is saturday morning...and i'm very scared.

also, i have to find the work clothes, i thought they just give them to you...at least they provide the bowtie. yes, i get to wear a red bowtie to work.

i'm also worried how to wear my hair, it looks pretty horrible up, especially since my face has gotten jumbo since leaving scotland...suggestions? hm.

so that is that. i'm still sick, tomorrow is a full rest day. hopefully i can get some sleep tonight, i'm going to try soon actually. liz, i might be online later though...you know how it goes.

i had a mega cough attack today while driving home from my interview...like literally had to pull into a neighborhood street with the hazards on...coughing my insides out...couldn't breathe...crawled to the passenger side and opened the door to spit up and continue coughing...runny nose...it was a messy. luckily no one saw, at least i don't think so. i was embarrassed anyway and felt like passing out. pft.

oft.

the end. potential sleep and more water drinking.

as a p.s.- michelle obama is not the new jackie o. not in style and definitely not in the face. stupid media.

coughee.

2009-04-01T21:47:00.002-05:00

my life is zero. ho hum.

right now i'm sick. my stomach hurts from coughing so much. congestion...oddly enough no mucus...which is usually the main highlight of my illnesses....this time, just a constant dry cough. my voice is deeper than it usually is...

no job news at all except i think i have an interview tomorrow. all the hacking should win them over.

i'm hanging out at the rental's home because our apartment is a little gross and probably full of old sick leslie and paulo germs. might head back to denton tomorrow, although i have no real reason to. this weekend saturday is another mother daughter shopping and lunch day, since dad is out of town again.

i'm having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, i'm tired early but can't fall asleep. and if i do...it's for an hour or two and i wake up in the middle of the night wide awake. average bedtime for me lately is somewhere between 5:30-6:30 am.

pft.

it really upsets me that all kinds of student housing in glasgow makes you sign a one year contract. ideally i think staying in a dorm for the first semester would work, because then it allows me time to find a wee studio or one bedroom flat...but apparently they only offer a one semester thing if you're international and on exchange? since i'm not exchange i can't and the shortest contract i can get is 39 weeks vs 51...

fucking mental. i'm going to still try and figure this out. another sort of student thing that seems alright makes you sign on for a year....why a whole year? what a waste.

*huff*

hm. i don't even have a joke or a funny story to tell...

woe, doggy.

2009-03-25T00:07:00.004-05:00

fucking hell blogger just deleted like all of my entry except the last paragraph. mother fucker.

okay...let's try this again and let's go with job hunt news:

monday i had a third interview at macy's for apparently the benefit counter manager. i was aware that benefit was hiring for a counter manager and a part time sales associate, but the latter was not mentioned during the interview. which is a shame, because i deffo won't get hired for counter manager with no experience in retail or cosmetics. pft. i so wanted to work for benefit too. sob.

tomorrow i have an interview at a little cafe bistro that has good cakes. this is more for ashley, but i found out the place is actually pronounced 'bow cheese' instead of 'bock ees' which is what i/we have been calling it...i always suspected it was wrong anyway. ah well. i'm a dummy. in case you were wondering it's spelled bochy's.

the best job news is thanks to miss jamie. she's the best. she works at victoria's secret and kinda got me the hook up. i filled out an application today and chatted with the hiring manager, she seems funny. anyway, she apparently liked me- so let's keep our finger's crossed, kids. i'd love to work at victoria's secret, pity i'd lose a lot of my paycheck to it.

so, yeah that's about all that is going on. since i have no iced tea pitcher and it's too warm to drink coffee at times...i've not been getting enough caffeine. i want a dr pepper pretty bad about now.

it feels like paulo is moving in...hm.

ashley is in new york right now and i'm pretty jealous. not entirely because she's in new york, but more so because she's out somewhere besides denton or texas on vacation. i know, why would i need a vacation when i do nothing...but i promise somehow my life is still mega full of drama and the no job boredom thing is killing me. i'm still not reading or cleaning or writing nearly enough. anyway, i want to go somewhere. i wouldn't mind new york if i had shopping money. i kinda wanna go to chicago for some reason, i got an offer to visit portland...i dunno. oh man, i so could've went to disneyworld for my birthday, but the mister ruined that too. no new news on that situation, except it's still stupid. i hope i don't end up losing greig out of this. i want a film buddy in scotland.

among several other things. i'm fickle about scotland. i have a feeling i'm really going to miss home this time around.

oh life.

okay, on a non serious non wallow note. you may know that i'm desperate to get the rockabilly look, but always fail miserably. anyway, i've been watching pin up victory roll type videos and i'm still having no luck. i've never been good with hair. anyway, i did this too my bangs...i'm just wondering if it looks completely retarded or not. thanks. also, know it's pretty fuzzy in this photo cos i took a previous photo and took it down, but there was no memory card in the camera...so i had to redo it and i did it quick cos i'm lazy...anyway, you get the idea? yeah?

hm. i also pinned up all my hair, bun in the back and wore it with a flower...i dunno, i got a big face, but an up do will be good for summer heat...anyway. a yay or nay will do. i got a big forehead and widow's peak. any hair tips...? so far i got a nay from leslie and a yay from heath and paulo. although i'm not sure if those are real yays. haha. heath said it makes him want a pan dulce, which is excellent and might be one of the best compliments ever.

i kind of want it to storm tomorrow and i kind of don't...i guess i'll end this there. it's pretty long anyway.

nighto

xo

i'm a little speechless...

2009-03-21T20:16:00.000-05:00

at least ace of cakes is on...

2009-03-19T21:19:00.005-05:00

hm. things aren't really ever looking up these days. it's always something, and it's somewhat comforting to know that it's not just me...at the same time, it's only really happening to me on a highly personal level so everyone else gets sympathy or joint bitching, while in addition to that i'm moody, sulky, and bored.

i feel like a high school cliche or something. also, liz. i'm in total need of a plb day. maybe we can skype it soon, hotcake.

okay, job news? monday morning i have yet another interview at macy's for a job offer at the benefit counter, which i would adore to have. apparently a lot of gals are up for it though, so not a chance for shy undolled up me, but i dunno. maybe the interviewer can sympathize with ugly and a benefit user. walgreens interview went alright? i dunno...i've not heard back from them yet...

in the meantime, tomorrow i'm going to maybe clean up the giant pile of clothes in my room, and list some items on ebay. some lady ordered something from me, paid all of ten dollars...so i sent the package and then she takes the payment back, and essentially that is me fucked i don't have a tracking number...of course i don't, the package cost like 2.50 to mail off? actually less...

oi, some people.

speaking of some people, more problems ensue with the 'mister' so i'm not sure that's actually a proper name for the time being. i dunno, you think that if you claimed to care about someone then being nice to them wouldn't actually be that much of a problem? i don't understand actually...any takers? i'm actually really helpful and all, explaining exactly over and over what the problems are and exactly how everything should be fixed. no effort at all is ever made for me. the situation is not nearly as selfish as it might come across...i just want something after putting in so much over the years...and i don't think being nice is too much to ask for...

anyway, it's looking more likely that i'll be needing a dorm for my at least first year of graduate school...which i really don't want, since i'll be like 23 and in some kind of dorm set up. i'm not entirely sure i have the cash for a small one bedroom or studio though. i guess i'll investigate when the time is sooner...still, dreading potential dorms.

also, i'm really proud of my dad. apparently this past weekend he cursed up a storm at my grandmother (his ma) and called her out on all her lies and attempted cover ups. i think he used fuck a lot. bravo daddyo!

uh...i'm sleepy for no reason. i'm about to shave the legs and get ready soon. i'm pretty tired of drinking. no one likes to get coffee anymore or watching films.

*sigh*

also, i'm bad and ordered some earrings i've been wanting for ages. might as well, 20% off and it's not like the mister would ever get them for me.

ah, they should be here soon. a photo will follow. i'm scared, they are probably giant.

anyway, really missing some buddies lately, i'm waiting for the good luck. maybe april will be the month.

x

nothing is actually happening.

2009-03-16T00:58:00.006-05:00

well, last week was a disaster in almost every way possible.

a new week and a new job interview. that's tuesday, also st. paddy's day. my goal on tuesday is to get a job and not get sick from drinking. that's really not too much to ask. i promise.

also, i miss fuzzy's and would like to go this week. leslie and jonathan (who doesn't think i ever mention him in my blog) let's go...soon, please?

i remembered and rediscovered my old camera tripod and to my surprise it fits my nikon d200. steady photos and awful self portrait/portrait fun ensues. aren't you excited? you should pose for me.

i don't actually have anything to say. i'm eating pretzels and watching king of the hill.

i look like rudolph thanks to a giant spot on my nose.

my dad's side of the family is pretty disappointing. lucky he turned out pretty excellent.

rufus is a giant plump fluff ball.

also, i'm pretty sure i heard a joke or something funny, and now i can't even remember it.

also, happy birthday dear elizo.

since you're not here, i took a few bites for you.

x

i hate mondays, just like garfield.

2009-03-10T03:08:00.002-05:00

monday was bad for the following reasons:

-i overslept for my second interview at old navy today by three hours, due to not being able to get to sleep until 6 am. swell.

-finally picked up my last paycheck from the study abroad center and it was 50 dollars less than what it should have been.

-leslie has strep throat and jonathan has a cold; i'm probably going to get sick.

-my tortilla wrap i made for dinner tonight fell apart completely cos i forgot to warm it up...

-i broke the iced tea maker pitcher by shoving a big block of ice in it; it cracked and is currently taped.

-i tried to get my rosetta stone to work, but i need the application install cd, which is in fort worth. so, i found a torrent of it and tried it that way, no luck. no luck with that or the language programs. i'm not tech savvy.

-tried my spanish cds/set purchased from the b and n, and my mac is spitting the langauge cd out, even though it's just like a music cd...and i just threw the receipt out this weekend.

- and now it's 3:13 and although i'm very sleepy, i don't think i'll be able to sleep.

on the plus side, it's tuesday. and i'm getting my haircut (my bangs desperately need trimmed) and i get to see my wee dog rufus, whom i'll be babysitting this weekend.

so, if you wish...please leave comments of what i should do on saturday, since i'll be spending it alone again.

what can i say, i'm old.

huff.

let's talk some makeup and other junka.

2009-03-04T21:14:00.012-06:00

this post is purely out of boredom, as will be most of the future ones...so get used to it.

everything's been pretty quiet lately, moderately progressive, but still not progressive enough. still, most of my room is tidy, so bonus.

also, i've got a job interview friday morning. don't laugh...old navy shipping department, apparently. leslie did it before and says she liked it/it was fun/better than customer service...so let's see. i think it's only a few days a week though...also, its nightshift, in case you didn't know...like 5am-9 or 11 am...i dunno. i guess it gives me something to do, even though i'd be sleeping during that time...a small bit of extra cash and according to leslie a 'kick ass' discount...

i dunno. i've been applying to at least one job everyday since joe left. usually more than that. today i was going to apply to be a waitress, but applications are being given out tomorrow...so i'll be going back for that...haha, i can't carry anything. anyway, the job market sucks. i guess the news is right. still, i'm pretty bored.

and...you think with all this boredom the apartment would be cleaner and i'd be a whiz at reading and writing...but nope. i'm not exactly sure where all my time is going, but it's definitely going somewhere.

this past weekend i went shopping and to lunch with my madre. i saw a waiter who looked almost exactly like jack white, his hair was slightly lighter though...it was pretty uncanny...

anyway, that was good times. helped the madre go through her closet...she has the most clothes ever...and a lot of them new with tags...sheesh. ma was nice and got me some new makeup. which is actually pretty exciting, because i've not gotten any new makeup in an absolute age...and i'm pretty bored of black eyeliner everyday. cue a vanity shot.

so that green is by nars and called 'night porter' it's fantastic. also, urban decay 'sin' eyeshadow primer...which looks fine just by itself. it'll be swell for the summer time. i also got a new brown glitter shadow called galapagos by nars, which is smokey love. i'm wearing it now. it's fun times.

my absolute favorite of the new makeup has to be my nars 'dragon lady' lip pencil. it's the fattest lip pencil i've ever seen. it's glam red. i've not got a vanity shot, purely cos the light in my bedroom and bathroom make it look hot pink...but its bright redtastic. maybe tomorrow.

ah, sexy. also, i bought this at target today for fun:

uh...lifetime isn't showing the golden girls at midnight anymore, but the halmark channel is....

basically a lot of sleep and avoiding getting sick is going on. leslie and jonathan keep going back and forth about wanting to tell their crushes that they like them...*sigh*

dipped cones are excellent. sorry, wii fit, but they are. on the plus side of dipped cones, i've lost 2 and a half pounds in a week...and that's with essentially no exercise...so, yuss.

the diana+ is a total fucking bitch. i've wasted over 100 bucks on this plastic piece of shite and still i've never gotten a decent shot out of her. the latest roll of 12 shots mind you cos almost 6 bucks to get on cd alone...rip off, walgreens. and most of it was underexposed mega and blurry (you would like it liz ;) and the 24 shot roll before that was all completely underexposed. this next roll better be a happy medium and have at least 12 decent shots. i just put a 24 roll in now...pft.

i've not written any letters yet, but i really want to...so i dunno. maybe i'll do that after this blog post. i also wanna get back to poems. i wanna have a nice bountiful stack of writings before grad school...which starts the 21st of september...

so far i only have the line 'this isn't magic tricks' which isn't very good.

this is long enough.

the end.

that's my purse, i don't know you.

2009-02-26T01:15:00.000-06:00

i couldn't find a normal clip, so this will do.

big bowl of meh.

2009-02-25T00:24:00.003-06:00

well, i'm back to probably blogging on a regular basis. i know interesting stuff.

the mister has jetsetted back home and is probably due to land in london in about a half hour. i'm all the cliches, mostly a little sulky, already mega bored and pretty tired. in fact, i'm about to commit the usual and retire to bed watching the golden girls- hopefully i'll fall asleep during king of the hill. i have to wake up a little early tomorrow, plus some tidying is deffo in order.

anyway...that's that. it's really hard to say goodbye when things have been going really well, in fact, these three months have probably been the best in the relationship...so man. hopefully a return visit in may or june. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for a disneyworld birthday.

so in other news. i'm fat. duh. even fatter though and some sort of fake pretend temporary diet is in order...i bought some 'diety' foods, which mostly consists of baked ruffles, fruit, jello pudding, and celery for ranch dip. yum. i was too tempted to pass up these new keebler cookies, though. also, operation fruit snacks? haha...of course i had to get them. also, i stole a jug of hawaiian punch...oops. it was like two bucks...

today is pancake day. i think ihop was literally packed all day long. the three usuals had a late dinner, but it was decent. i'm thinking of applying for a job at ihop...haha. oh man. all the drunk students and grease though.

so yeah, the job hunt already started. i think thursday i'm printing out more resumes and going hunting other than on hotjobs. as there is nothing out there. i've applied to three jobs so far...pft. nothing good at all.

i want a new phone.

and since mister is gone and there is no job or class...i have a lot of free time. i'm going to hope/try to make it productive- reading, movies, writing, and letter writing...

yeah. all that cal.

so, january, eh?

2009-02-17T20:24:00.003-06:00

tra la la la la.

what's happened since the last update...i suppose a lot and at the same time nothing at all. usual in life.

lots of sleeping.
mega eating.
little or no cleaning.
some drinking.
film watching.
music downloading.
smash brothers, ahoy.
photo taking.
dog barking.
san antonio strolling.
catching up with the memere and pepere.
saw old pals.
dancing in the supermarket.
making awful jokes.
discovering king of the hill.
learning more about dr pepper.
tried lobster.
picnicking.

ah, and i just found out this week i'm in for graduate school at glasgow. just gotta make sure they get my second reference and i'm all set.

i'm gone in august...probably end of. i miss family and mexican food already...i'm quite scared, actually. all that cal for another post. but excellent. good things, positive.

badda bing, kids.

also, photos on the flickr.

also, i just found a 100 bucks in a card from christmas...fuckin' yass.

rosy cheeks

2009-01-02T00:20:00.001-06:00

stepho is back on the red wine.

mmm.

x

another day, another taco...

2008-12-31T18:29:00.003-06:00

ah well, the dreaded new years eve.

i don't really like new year's eve, its like valentine's day or st. patrick's day...just pretty uneventful, at least for lil ole me.

this year joseph and i are heading to the casino in a short while to gamble away cash. i'm scared. my parents are addicts- apparently my ma has a chance to win one million dollars. haha...cross your fingers. i've not been to the casino in ages...at least you get free root beer. hell yeah!

since it is new years, i don't really like the idea of driving too much, drunkies and that- so a bit of gamble and then maybe a party, but i'm old these days and not really sure i'm in the mood. i could totally settle into my room with a good film or a crumby countdown show and get drunk on wine. anyway, who knows...i've not see wee jonathan in an absolute age (aka about a week)

man, christmas is all over. how depressing. mine was excellent.

i think 98% of everything my dad got was texas longhorns. haha...

anyway,i had a very good christmas and finally got to show joe how christmas should be. i think he loved it all. even if we did watch a christmas story like 6-7 times, mostly in a 24 hour time frame.

okay, new years. let's be cliche and make some new year's resolutions for a lol and a half:

1. get a job. yikes, i'll start the hunt in february.
2. write more- letters and poems and of course, postcards. its got to be done, really...yes, it really does.
3. take more photographs. i'm working on a portfolio, so who wants their photos taken?
** did i mention i got a fucking sexy nikon d200 as a graduation pressie? it's lovely. very lovely.**
4. start eating less and lose some damn weight. roffle ma waffle. i got two cute retro housewife aprons and two cupcake books...this is not a good start. however...IF i get into grad school, scotland will help me lose weight. no, not because of the chips and chicken pakora, but because of all the walking. wooooo!

what else? i think that covers most of the bases. so, that's that.

also, well, *looks down at shoes* if any readers out there want to look at my photographs you can do so by going here: clicky click

i'm going to add some more photos soon, but there's four sets up now. leave comments please, even if they're bad!

uh...what else? i love heathie...and i've been playing far too much smash brothers brawl...i know...sorry.

oh, i had a dream marcello was a serial killer and after me/kidnapped me...he cut off the two smallest toes on my left foot...

happy new years, cowpokes!

xx

fra-gee-lay!

2008-12-25T00:23:00.002-06:00

it's christmas everyone! i'm doing a little jig to celebrate. anyone who reads this probably already knows that christmas is my absolute favorite time of year.

so, everyone have a good christmas and stuff yourself full of baked goods. i know i will. plus updates and photos to come. boy howdy!

and of course, in honor of christmas i'll be watching a christmas story all damn day tomorrow. mega love <3

what a film. here dahlings.

mwah. x